I know. All moms are knodding their heads and saying, "Uh, no duh."
But, Mother's Day comes and we post pictures on facebook of smiling mommas with their adoring children. And, we give statuses of all the lovely gifts given, cards written, flowers displayed.
We have brunch and lunch and wish each other a wonderful day. 
Don't get me wrong; there ARE moments that are wonderful.
But there are also moments that are not so wonderful.
Sometimes, the whole day is stinking hard and awful, painful and problematic.
With steely determination, we decide we will master our unruly emotions that want to be unhealthily attached to what our children do or don't do, how they behave or express their love, appreciation, and respect for us as their mom. Some of us win; some of us lose. Some of us win and lose in the same day.
The latter was my day.
I won some battles; I lost some battles.
I blocked out the grumbling, arguing, disobedient, disrespectful child(ren), and allowed my husband to train and discipline. I overlooked the lack luster, homemade cards and focused on the immensely sweet, thoughtful one instead. I quieted the thoughts that wanted to scream at me that I didn't do enough to honor my own mother and mother in law.
I persevered with my high maintenance kiddos who complained they were too hot, too thirsty, had to go to the bathroom (we were at public parks all day) or wanted more candy.
But, I also didn't deal well with my family's quirks. I grew angry at some of the decisions my husband made. I spatted. I barked at my kids. And my heart sunk at the mess that we are as a family.
So I took a walk. a long, brisk walk. alone.
And I was able again to collect my jumbled up thoughts, my twisted up heart, take a deep breath and return to my family, these four people who I deeply love more than anything or anyone in the world. As I approached the last hill before my turn toward home, I thought, "To cross the finish line, I must stay in the race."
On this Mother's Day and on many days, that's all I've got to give....just staying in the race. I may not be running well, or I might have had a good stretch with strong legs, lungs and breath. Either way, the finish line is all I am really interested in. And, I have to stay in the race in order to get there. I have to keep showing up as a momma. I have to keep admitting my failures, shortcomings and sins, ask for forgiveness and grace and then move on. I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking steps toward that finish line.
Whether you had sunshine and rainbows or some hills to climb and valleys to find your way through today, my prayer and hope for you is that you will keep running (or walking) your race. Keep putting one.foot.in.front.of the other. Keep moving through and on and over what you need to in order to reach that finish line. Keep showing up as a momma. On Mother's Day and everyday.
1 comment:
For what it's worth, my day went very similarly. I tried not to complain, though, probably all too often I've noted my general disdain for the holiday. For multiple reasons, least of which is that it feels forced and contrived, from many angles. I said something to this effect on FB last year and lived to regret it. So your posts yesterday and this blog post has helped me to feel less alone in my struggle over the day.
I actually felt better later in the day, when one pointed out that he had tried to clean up his room extra well to please me, and today, when I got a "Mom, can you bring this to school for me" text, it was followed up by a thank you, and "luv u"... And one came to snuggle this morning and asked if I had really liked mother's day, or if I was lying. All those were worth more than a over-priced card any day.
But I'm with you...the day tends to cause me more internal angst than feelings of warm fuzzies. Thanks for your honesty.
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