Why #adifferentway is going to be the Almengor way through 2017

We Almengors are a family of mantras. It is mostly my husband’s doing, but I am agreeable to it because I love having a focus or goal, and I love words yet am less concise with them than my husband. Verbosity is my game which does not work so well when trying to convey the heart of a matter quickly. 

When in the midst of our everyday, sometimes frantic life, communicating the goal quickly is necessary, skipping the lecture, preferred. So, for 2017, Lawrence and I have chosen a mantra of #adifferentway because we are now living in the era of the hashtag, and we have fully embraced it at our house. I unashamedly love the hashtag movement.

A different way. What does that mean for us? Let me try to flesh that out here.

Lawrence and I read a book last year that influenced the two of us greatly called, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” by Peter Scazarro. We were impressed with how much of an impact our families of origin, culture and the experiences of our childhood have had upon our marriage, parenting, friendships, and relationships within our extended family.  And, we realized there are now patterns of behaving, speaking, and reacting to situations that just are not in keeping with what we see exemplified in the Bible by Christ and other followers of Jesus.

We are passing these sins and habits onto our children. They are now 12, 12 and 9 and giving full expression to some of the sinful ways of their parents. Oh, how difficult that is to see sometimes.

In some of these behaviors, we are simply stuck after years of wearing down a nice, deep rut. We know love is patient and kind, but the tone of our voices still sounds so sharp and even cruel at times.  We know we want to embrace a godly sorrow when faced with our sin, repent and ask for forgiveness from God and from each other, but goodness, that stubborn pride of ours just doesn’t want to hear it in the moment especially. 

So, we came up with a prompt of sorts: #adifferentway.  We learned that in the heat of a “moment,” it’s harder to hear, “You are wrong and need to repent,” and easier to hear, “There is a different way through this. You can choose a different way.”

When we say #adifferentway, we mean that

• ·        You are not enslaved to this all too familiar way of responding
• ·        You are not defined by this pattern of speech or way of behaving
• ·        You are able to choose in this moment the godly way through
• ·        You are able to ask for wisdom and grace and receive it right in this moment
• ·        You are able to change

Like a flick of a rubber band around one’s wrist, #adifferentway will become for us a jolt out of some ruts we have laid over the years. Or at least we hope so.

#Adifferentway also makes room for us to keep exploring and trying on new ideas and routines. Where we, for years, have enjoyed family night on Fridays with pizza and a movie, we are going to try using some of those Friday nights to play games together.  Watching a movie every Friday night was good for us as a family for many years. It was easy for us as parents who, by the end of the week, were bone tired from raising and home educating young children.  And, it also built within our family a cache of common stories to refer back to, inside jokes, and one-liners. And we will continue to watch good movies for this purpose.

But, our children are entering a new season of growth and development, and it seems a good time to step up our game in pursuing them relationally. We *think* we are ready to take on the potential mire of playing games together for the new level of growth that might afford us as a family and as human beings.

Another area we are exploring #adifferentway is in how we educate our children. We are currently in our 7^th year of homeschooling, and aside from one year for the boys in Kindergarten at a private school, my children have never known anything but home education.  We may continue down this road, but we are going to at least explore what it might look like to educate #adifferentway.  I am working on a few shadow days for my kids to experience at a handful of local schools.  I don’t know what will come of this, but we are stepping out and choosing to investiage #adifferentway.

On a personal note, I want to grow in communicating God’s story in my story by way of writing and public speaking. To do this, I know I need to be a voracious reader except that I am not. L  I kicked around the familiar plan of upping my reading intake but #adifferentway occurred to me, and I am choosing that instead. This different way is in keeping with the doer God created me to be versus the sit and read volumes of material person I am not. 

Instead of doubling the amount of books I read in a year, I picked five influential, time tested authors of whose material I will ingest this next year. Curious?  Comment and I’ll let you know who made my list. J

So, 2017, whatever you may hold for us Almengors, we are choosing #adifferentway.

Where we have worn down ruts of reacting, we are resolved to forge new paths, ones that will honor God and each other.

Where familiar routines no longer serve us, we are resolved to do the hard work of beginning and reinforcing new routines that will further our growth and joy.

Where common held practices do not line up with who you have made us to be, we will not try to fit our square self into a round hold but are resolved to conjure up #adifferentway that will accomplish the same goal.

How might you choose #adifferentway for your 2017?
If you think of any ways, I would love to hear about it and cheer you on in your pursuit of #adifferentway.

One Word

One word for the new year. One word. Not several journal pages full. Not a list of resolutions. No bullet points. Just.One.Word.--  To provide a focus for one's year, a way to 'see' what God may be trying to accomplish in one's life. One word. Really? Just one?  Impossible task for this verbose girl.

I first read about this idea from one of my favorite bloggers, Ann Voskamp, over on her blog, A Holy Experience.  She references the book, "My One Word: Change Your Life with Just One Word" as her inspiration and direction with this exercise.   I have read many of Ann's blog posts, and one thing I love about Ann's writing is her use of words, many of them, constructed as a poetic prose to prevail upon my hard, broken, needy heart.  Yet, she has chosen just ONE word for her year the last several years.   Her word for 2014 is "Jesus."  Seems a little like cheating to me. How can you go wrong with that one?
**That was my first and likely last criticism of this godly lady, even if it was "tongue in cheek."

My "California friend, Bethany" (as I refer to her because while I have never met her in real life, she is a friend to me, and she lives in California) mentioned on her facebook status that she has been thinking it over as well. What will her one word be for 2014?  California Bethany, like me, likes to use a lot of words to describe a circumstance or her feelings. This is, in a small way, why I feel we are kindred spirits. And, I thought, "If these ladies can narrow down to one word, so can I!"  Why must I turn everything into a competition?  Goodness gracious, some habits die hard.

Other friends of mine have jumped in on this exercise. My friend, Danielle, announced on instagram her ONE word for the year, "Blessing."

And so, I have been thinking about this one word idea.

The first word that came to me was, "RUN," not in the sense of run from one's problems, even though I am often tempted to do that at times, but rather in the literal sense of the word. In the past 6 months, God has given the gift of running back to me after going nearly 6 years without running regularly.  With an instable and weak spine, I thought regular running was out of the cards for me for good.  Nevertheless, I gave it another try this summer and into the fall. I had been running on average 3 times a week and had worked up to 5 mile runs.  Nearing the end of 2013, I began to think about trying for a half marathon in 2014.  It's been something I have wanted to do for a long time.

I mentioned it to my hubby, started looking up races I could sign up for in 2014 along with training schedules. Running on a mixture of head strong intentions, 4 days worth of Christmas goodies and worn out sneakers, I ended up throwing my back out at the end of December after getting greedy by going for a 6.5 mile run.  More than a week later, I'm still icing it and typing this from the floor.

All that to say, I am uncertain about choosing the word, "Run" for 2014. I will still pursue the half marathon as much as I am able, but I have to recognize my road to the half may be a long and often interrupted course.

The next word that I thought of was "ABSORB" as in absorbing others', particularly my husband's, offenses.  Ever listen to or read something that sticks with you for life? A message John Piper gave entitled, "Blessed are the Meek" from Matthew 5 contained one line that has stayed with me years later. It was, "Meekness is the power to absorb adversity and criticism without lashing back."   I am not meek, especially when it comes to absorbing any hint of criticism my hubby throws my way. I lash back like a lion, ferociously. This needs to change in order for LA and me to move forward in our communication and love for one another. So, "absorb" seems like it could be a good fit.

As I thought over "absorb", however, I sensed its focus was on me, my behavior, my ability to be Christ like or inability moreso. And, the thought of spending concentrated, mental and emotional energy on changing my heart and subsequent behavior that oozes out of that heart discouraged me.  Quickly, I recalled the changes God has been bringing about in my life, and I realized I want to walk away from old patterns of self focus, of 'law bound' effort and self atonement.  Choosing a word like absorb, I fear, would cast me daily into that pit again of self loathing and defeat. No thanks.

"Forgive" was the next word that jumped into my mind because I have some bitterness and hard feelings toward some folks, and I need to forgive and move on, whatever that is supposed to look like. Honestly, I have no idea what to even aim for with this one, how to go about it, and all that I mentioned in the previous paragraph again applies here.

"Rebuild"? As in rebuild my relationship with my husband, my Lord, His church. There has been much upheaval in our lives in the past year, and we are ready to rebuild, shift paradigms and patterns of thinking, being and doing.  I still feel a little unsure on some of the foundation work, however. I know that Christ is our Bedrock, our sure Foundation. That has not changed. He remains the same. His love endures. He is still our all in all. But, some of the ways we have done life for so long are changing, and we need to rebuild. eventually. I am just not certain we have all the foundation pieces in place quite yet. "Rebuild" feels a little premature still.

"Pray"?  Prayer is good. It is always a good thing. Prayer accomplishes more than anything else I could do. Prayer could be all encompassing.

At this point, I am perplexed and just want to be silly about the whole thing. How about the word, "Fun" because really, don't girls just want to have fun?  But, again, I have to try to have fun, or have a glass of wine in me to be fun. Fun is out.

HEAL?  because I have felt particularly broken this last half of 2013.
OPEN? to what and where and to whom God wants us to bless in 2014.
GRATEFUL? because as A.Voskamp says, "it always precedes the miracle", and I need some miracles in my life.
GRACE? because I have lived 32 years of life on earth professing to be a believer in Grace-Incarnate, Jesus Christ, and I don't really know that I "get grace", on the receiving or giving end.
TRUTH? because I am seeking afresh God's truths. What does it look like to follow Jesus who says HE is the TRUTH?
READ? because I always want to be reading more than I do.
WRITE? because I always want to be writing more than I do.
ARITHMETIC... because....just kidding. That was just was a stream of consciousness move there. ha!

It is at this point in my post that I stopped and had my hubby read it. He looked at me questioningly, "So, what's your word going to be?" I ramble on about how I don't only want to write when I have a nicely packaged conclusion or life lesson to share, but when I am still in process.  I want to write when I've got nothing.

Responding to that, LA shared with me that he has been thinking about a mantra for 2014. He is our "mantra maker", and he comes up with good ones that almost always reflect our life rather well.  He's certainly the concise one among the two of us.  And he said that as he prayed about 2014, the only thing that came to him was nothing.

We dialogued for a bit about this, puzzled, because for two task oriented, ambitious people, "nothing" does not sound all that appealing.  It even sounds frightening. But, we both agreed that for us, for now, it sounds right on.

NOTHING. and in expanded form, "I've or We've got nothing."

Nothing in my hands I bring, 
Simply to thy cross I cling; 
Naked, come to thee for dress;
Helpless, look to thee for grace;
Foul, I to thy fountain, Lord, I fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die.

April and May's 30 day challenges

April is a week past, and I am just now posting how I did with its 30 day challenge. Enjoying a week away from our normal routine with my hubby home from work, I unplugged most of last week. It was one of our best "stay-cations" yet as a family, but I'll write more about that in another post. For now, I'm sure all my 3 readers are on pins and needles to hear how I did with April's challenge and what May's 30 day challenge is going to be.

My challenge for April was to write 15 minutes a day. Most days I did write, but not all. Some days I wrote much longer than 15 minutes, and I certainly didn't publish everything here on the blog. Nevertheless, it was highly enjoyable to exercise my brain in a way I haven't for a while. A dear friend was kind enough to dialogue with me via email about some of my writing and provide input and encouragement. I am very grateful to have avid readers and accomplished writers for friends who are kind enough to take me and my writing seriously even though it doesn't deserve such attention.

My friend, Danielle, suggested I purchase a book called, "Writer Mama" to practice and strengthen my writing. I ordered it last night and am excited to have an external motivator to keep my writing muscles from going limp.  My pastor once said that if one doesn't pursue one's passion, it will soon not be her passion. I have long remembered that in regards to many things I have been passionate about in life (and if you know me closely, you know that encompasses quite a lot. I am one of those passionate-about-everything people who wishes for even a moment of apathy to know what it feels like. :) )  Writing is one of those things I love but know I need to practice.

So, I'm glad I did it. As I'm finding with many of the 30 day challenges I've done so far, it has been so helpful to articulate passions and give them life by way of setting attainable, measurable goals.

For May, my goals are as follows:

• Pray for my leaders daily. I think I'm going to narrow this to my husband, my pastors and the President of our country. I know there are many others in leadership over me, but I am choosing to focus on these few with fervor rather than gloss over many in quick prayers for all in authority over me.
• Go upstairs to my bedroom by 9:30 pm and be in bed (maybe asleep) by 10:30. 
  This is huge for me because I have made a habit of staying up late at night after the kids go to bed, sometimes for good reasons like cleaning my kitchen and folding laundry, sometimes for selfish reasons like having "me" time to catch up on facebook and my gazillion blog posts I've bookmarked over the course of the day. I am hoping this will jump start afresh a daily habit that will serve my family better.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to post some pictures and some words about how to do stay-cations well. We've done a number of them now, and I think we're finally finding our "groove". I'd love to pass along some of what I've learned over the last couple of years on how to "do" stay-cations successfully. Tune in! :)

Goals for 2012

I really enjoy setting goals, especially since becoming a mom. I think because the task of parenting is so incredibly daunting to me most days, and the goal of parenting often seems intangible, difficult to measure and impossible to obtain, I nearly crave goals that are otherwise.

So, at the start of each year, I take stock. As I consider the present circumstances, I anticipate the future possibilities as best I can given all things remain the same (which, of course, we all know they do not!) :)

This year, my hubby made what I felt was a rather brilliant suggestion in regard to my 2012 goals. It was prompted by a TED talk he listened to and applied a couple months ago. You can watch/listen to it here: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html

To me, 30 days seems more doable than 365. Call it cynicism or age, but I don't reach for the stars quite as quickly and often as I used to. I hesitate. I count the cost. And, I usually say, "Nah; I'll take the path most traveled, thank you very much." :) Nevertheless, I'm hoping that some of the things I attempt in the following 30 day challenges may just "stick" and last beyond 30 days, maybe even 365 days. We'll see!

Mostly for my own sake, I am going to list my goals, what I am calling my "30 day challenges, here. At the start of each month, my plan is to write a separate post detailing that month's challenge(s), the why behind it, and the plan for executing it successfully. My hope is that publishing my goals on the world wide web will be some incentive to actually sticking with the challenges.

January:

• Make 50% of what I eat- raw food
• No extra spending

February:

• Encourage hubby/No criticism
• Read for leisure 15 minutes daily

March:

• No soda
• Memorize one Bible verse a day

April:

• Write for blog 15 minutes daily

May:

• Wake up by 5:45 am and stay awake! Go to bedroom by 9:30 pm and asleep by 10:30 pm
• Pray for leaders daily

June:

• Work outside 15 minutes daily

July:

• 15 minutes daily improving a space in my home in someway (execution, not brainstorming)
• 30 days of work on "glutes."

August:

• 10 minutes with mommy one on one for fun, daily

September:

• Write encouragement daily to 30 different people

October:

• Repeat a 30 day challenge

November:

• Write down a thankful list daily

December:

• Give something away daily

I'll post more about January's goals tomorrow. ;)