Discouraged Lately?

To say I'm prone to discouragement is likely an understatement. I'm discouraged early and often and lately, it's been a daily battle. What is there to be discouraged about you may ask? For me, it's anything and everything these days.

I'm discouraged that my children are so hateful and disrespectful toward each other and me and their father. I'm then discouraged as I consider that LA and I have sadly set that example for them.

I'm discouraged that I have gained 5 pounds in the last several months. But, then I'm also discouraged that I can't be mature enough to not care, that my vanity is still so great that I obsess about the silly 5 pounds that likely few, if any notice. (Now you will. Ha!)

I'm discouraged by the lack of Christian witness I think my family displays when out in public: kids screaming and hitting each other, me screaming at them or being harsh. But, then I'm discouraged that I have chosen the lifestyle of homeschooling my children which forces us to be in each others' faces all. day. long and potentially creates more context for conflict and more temptation. This leads to the discouraging reminder that other families are homeschooling their (more than 3) children and have a rather peaceful co-existence. They even ENJOY one another's company. When out in public, they are pleasant, smiling, or at very least not drawing all kinds of negative "press" to the homeschooling community.

I'm discouraged by my inconsistency to keep in touch with family members and friends. But, then I realize I'm still trying to figure out how to keep my own little nuclear family clothed and fed most days. That thought discourages me to consider I am 8 years into this mothering thing and STILL haven't figured out how to juggle some rather simple balls of home management AND keep some semblance of relationship with those outside my four walls.

I'm discouraged when I spend too much time on Facebook, twitter or emailing at the apparent neglect of my family's needs, which are obviously great as evidenced by their hateful and disrespectful speech and actions toward one another.

I'm discouraged that after 10 years of marriage, it remains almost as difficult to communicate with my husband as it was when we were first married. In fact, it may even be more difficult now because in our communication we're both tempted to bring in that whole "record of wrongs" we're not supposed to keep.

I'm discouraged that I don't read my Bible more, serve more people at my church or in more capacities, follow through on burdens put on my heart from time to time, particularly the burden to write both here on the blog and personal notes of encouragement or thanks to others.

And, the greatest discouragement of all for me is quite the irony. It's that I'm discouraged!!  Doesn't the Psalm say,
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

So this is one of those life-long, ongoing battles I face and have been facing rather acutely in the last several months. Where do I go with these thoughts? By God's grace, because of His goodness and mercy that runs hard after me day after day, I am not satisfied to let them sit and fester negativity and anxiety in my mind. I do not want these oft repeated, discouraging thoughts to lead me down to the pit of despair where I have been before and never want to go again. Though, I will admit that the temptation to give in to discouragement is STRONG.

So, where do I go?

•  I pray. 

Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹² For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.
¹³ Be pleased to save me, Lord;
    come quickly, Lord, to help me.
Psalm 40:12, 13

• I sing.

• I remind myself of what is true, lovely, pure, excellent, praiseworthy.

God will complete the good work He's begun in me. (Philippians 1:6)
God loves my children more than I love my children, and He is able to begin and complete His good work in them as well.
God's grace is greater than my sin, greater than the sin of my children, greater than my weaknesses and shortcomings. I have two quotes hanging on my kitchen cabinet doors that I look to often lately.

God specializes in using ordinary people whose limitations and weaknesses make them ideal showcases for His greatness and glory. taken from "Biblical Womanhood in the Home" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

God is always bigger than the need. Believing that God is bigger than your situation produces passion in your praise. (And, because of my shortcomings and weaknesses, I can't properly site the source for this.) 

• I talk

Admittedly, I've been doing less of this lately, and perhaps that is contributing to my overall sense of gloom and doom these past few months. Nevertheless, I do seek out my community of fellow believers in Christ and share the ways in which I'm tempted to give in to discouragement. I ask for prayer. So often God will use others to encourage me with perspective, hope and encouragement to keep fighting the good fight, keep believing in God to be greater than my circumstances. 

• I journal

Just recently LA came home, and I asked for just a half hour after dinner to sit at our local Target with a cup of coffee and journal. Because he's an amazing husband and very kind to me, he happily obliged knowing it would be for his good as well as mine for me to get away for a bit and journal. I had what I call a "heart dump" to the Lord. Via stream of consciousness, I wrote down all the burdens, anxieties, perplexities, concerns in my head and heart at the time. I believe it was 4 pages long, a list of the gazillion things in my teeny world concerning me that my God is MORE than sufficient to carry. 

Hear my prayer, O Lord;
let my cry come to you!
² Do not hide your face from me
in the day of my distress!

Incline your ear to me;
answer me speedily in the day when I call!  

Psalm 102

I cast all my cares on God through the form of journaling, knowing He cares for me.

• I listen

On the occasion that I don't have a child helping me prepare dinner, I will listen to a sermon online. I often go to desiringgod.org where I will scroll through the abundance of audio sermons by one of my favorite preachers, John Piper. Here's the one I listened to tonight (a re-listen):

 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/biographies/to-live-upon-god-that-is-invisible

• I wait

Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:14

I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1

It's not a passive wait but a desperately humble one knowing ultimately it is God who must prevail upon my heart, upon my affections and mind. But I trust in Him and His Word. He says that no one whose hope is in Him will be put to shame. So, by God's grace, I will persevere. I will give thanks. I will look for the good, hope in Him, strive to see my life and circumstances through the lens of faith. And, by God's grace I will again be encouraged.

Chocolate Berry Crumble

During the week of July 4th, we were blessed to spend a couple days with my brother and sister-in-law who live in Indiana, PA, home of my college alma mater, IUP. And as any good houseguest does, I perused their book shelves to see if there was anything of interest.

I found a gem, and my sister-in-law, Krista, who is a gem herself told me to take it for my own: a cookbook entitled "Eat Out! The Outdoor Entertaining Cookbook."  Chockfull of recipes with ingredients I love such as fresh herbs, veggies and beans, the book was a delight to pore over.

Only arriving home Saturday night, I nevertheless tried a recipe first thing for our traditional Sunday night, "breakfast for dinner." And, of course it involved chocolate!

Here is the recipe with additional comments at the end:

2 cups fresh blueberries (I used frozen)
2 cups fresh raspberries (I used frozen)
2 cups sliced fresh strawberries (I used frozen blackberries)
1  1/4 cups plus 1 tablespoon sugar
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons flour
1/4 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 unsalted butter, chilled, cut up
1/3 cup buttermilk*
1 egg

Topping:
1/2 cup whipping cream
1 tablespoon sugar

1. Heat oven to 425 degrees. Spray 9 inch square pan with nonstick cooking spray (or coat w/ butter). In large bowl, combine berries, 1/2 cup sugar and 2 tablespoons of the flour; mix gently.  Spoon into pan.

2. In medium bowl, combine remaining 1 cup flour, cocoa, 3/4 cup sugar, baking soda, salt; mix well.  With pastry blender or 2 knives, cut in butter until mixture crumbles.  In small bowl, combine buttermilk and egg; blend well.  Stir egg mixture into flour mixture until well blended.

3. Drop dough by spoonfuls over berry mixture. Sprinkle with remaining 1 tablespoon of sugar (I omitted this part).

4. Bake 25 to 35 minutes or until fruit is bubbly and cobbler is set.  (Top surface should be dull and dry to the touch.)

5. Meanwhile, in small bowl, whip cream with 1 tablespoon sugar until sugar soft peaks form. Cover; refrigerate. Serve warm cobbler with whipped cream.

*Many people, including myself, don't keep buttermilk on hand. So, an easy way to make buttermilk using fresh milk is as follows: 1 tablespoon of vinegar or lemon juice to 1 cup of fresh milk. I usually put the lemon juice or vinegar into my measuring cup and then fill the rest with milk. For this recipe, you would use 1 teaspoon of vinegar to 1/3 cup milk.

My notes: 
In true Briana fashion, I used what I had. I didn't have fresh berries; I had frozen. And, I'm impatient, so instead of letting my berries thaw slowly on the countertop, I threw the frozen berries into a large skillet along with the sugar and flour. I then let it heat over medium heat and stirred until the berries were thawed and well combined with the sugar and flour. I then simply dropped spoonfuls of the dough on top of the berries right in my skillet pan which was oven safe. I threw the entire thing in the oven like that...a skillet cobbler.

Also, my children didn't care for this dessert because of the seeds in the berries. An easy remedy would be to choose seedless berries or fruit according to your children's liking. OR, make it with the seeded berries and enjoy the entire thing by yourself, like I am doing!

I also omitted the whipped cream on top simply because I didn't have whipping cream. It was absolutely delicious without it, but of course would only be better with it I believe!

Sibling Harmony= Parental Bliss

Scene 1:
"Who farted?" inquires son number 2 and then proceeds to inch near his siblings' bums to identify the culprit.  After experiencing what rightly was a violation of his privacy, son number 1 hauls off and punches son number 2 in the lip several times.

Screaming ensues. Peeved mom intervenes.

Scene 2:
Son number 1 informs his sister loudly, "THAT'S NOT YOURS! I GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS. GIVE IT BACK NOW!!!" Sister pulls the lego closer to herself, turning slightly away from her irritated brother. "May I play with it for just a few minutes?" she respectfully pleads.
"You may play with it as long as I'm right here with you. But when I'm ready to go outside, you have to put it back in its place," consents son number 1 kindly.

After watching the play by play closely, mom resumes washing the dishes, joyful that her children fought to work it out on their own.

I trust that any parent reading this can smile and nod recognizing the two scenes I described. And, I would also bet that any parent would much prefer the latter scene over the first. Sibling harmony does indeed equate parental bliss.

This crossed my mind today around 11 a.m. when I realized my children had gone nearly all morning playing peaceably side by side, working together toward a common goal: building a super-duper, cool, train track.

Recently, the Lord quickened to my mind how, like me, HE delights when HIS kids live their lives peaceably side by side, working together toward a common goal, that of telling the world of His goodness and mercy toward sinners. He delights not just because our efforts toward accomplishing His purposes are much more effective, but because we, His children, are enjoying a part of the abundant life He died to give us!

Psalm 133:1 says, "Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity."

But, living at peace with siblings is not always easy, is it? Both biological and spiritual siblings can really work on our nerves at times. We disagree. We don't always view life or circumstances from the same perspective. We offend and are offended. To live at peace with one another as God calls us requires concerted effort at times. It requires humility and most of all, it requires love.

I tell my children often regarding living with their siblings, "It's a fight either way...we're either fighting against one another for our own selfish ends or with each other for the sake of unity and peace."

Unity and sibling harmony within the Body of Christ IS a FIGHT. And, we are wise to prepare for these skirmishes by equipping ourselves w/ the armor of the Word...

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense  says Proverbs 19:11.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8


Love covers a multitude of sin. I Peter 4:8

Our unity as Christian brothers and sisters not only pleases our Heavenly Father; it speaks volumes to a watching, lost world, looking for ways out of conflict, looking for peace. As believers, we know peace with God so that we can also know peace with each other.  He fought His flesh so that we can fight ours.  He defeated the dominion of darkness so that we can come alongside each other and defeat the real enemies, that of the world, our flesh and the devil, not each other.

In his sermon this past Sunday, my pastor shared a quote from theologian and author, Wayne Grudem.  It hit me square between the eyes in my own personal wrestlings for unity and peace within the Body.

Where love abounds in a fellowship of Christians, many small offenses, and even some large ones, are readily overlooked and forgotten. But where love is lacking, every word is viewed with suspicion, every action is liable to misunderstanding, and conflicts abound- to Satan's perverse delight.


Will you fight with me for unity and peace with your Christian brothers and sisters? Will you fight to overlook offenses, to love earnestly, to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things? It hurts to do this. Sometimes, it hurts a lot. And the only way we can do this ongoing, one offense after another, is to look to Jesus, the One who absorbed every offense without retaliation or threats, but instead entrusted Himself to Him Who judges justly.


Look to Jesus and love. 
Look to Jesus and live in unity with your Christian siblings. 
Look to Jesus and know peace.

Guileless in Goalessness

How do you like that title?  :)

So, May's 30 day challenges to wake up early, go to bed early and pray for my leaders daily was a massive failure. Maybe my previous 30 day goals I really wanted to do, and these I only felt I should do? Maybe life took a few unexpected, major turns this past month, and I found myself a bit distracted from focusing on the challenges? Maybe I attempted too much for this month and should have chosen one or the other but not both? Maybe I just became fried of focusing on the same thing for 30 days in a row? Whatever the reason, I took a nose dive with May's challenges.

And, while June's 30 day challenge seems more attainable, work on improving the outside of my home 15 minutes daily, I am guiltlessly making a choice to set aside this 30 day challenge for now.

Our family is undergoing some changes, and I need to focus my energies on prayer, preparation and "rolling with the punches."

I hope to still write here on the blog, but I must admit that I am lacking motivation to articulate much at all via pen or otherwise. Having recently experienced a flare with my back, I find it difficult to concentrate and be as productive as I would like with the residual, gnawing pain I am still withstanding. Some days are better than others. Today is not one of them, but I haven't been to my chiropractor in almost 2 weeks. I am hoping to see him tomorrow.

As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain
    your mercy from me;
your steadfast love and your faithfulness will
    ever preserve me!
Psalm 40:11

A Memorable Memorial Day Weekend

Like many Americans this weekend, my little family hit the road to visit with extended family in Pennsylvania. Between Lawrence's busy season and the high price of gas, it had been since Christmas since we had seen some of my family. Even though a jam-packed full weekend of events, we thoroughly relished being together again, enjoying a respite from our realities, some of which are speckled with trial or challenges. It was a gift from the Giver we all happily received.

These are my absolute favorite kids in the world (minus 4 more nephews under age 2 if you can believe it!)

Within 10 minutes of where my brother and sister-in-law live and only a half hour from my parents is a National  Guard training site, Fort Indiantown Gap, along with a national cemetery, the Indiantown Gap National Cemetery. Having never visited these sites before, I thought it was appropriate to take a drive through before heading to my parents for our Memorial Day picnic.

The drive through the cemetery was sobering to say the least. My husband and I both gained some needed perspective on trying circumstances we're walking through currently by somberly viewing thousands of graves and hundreds of families visiting them that day.

Here are some photos from our visit:

(to see the photos more clearly, click on the image)

It was a Memorial Day I won't too soon forget, one in which I really remembered that freedom isn't free. "Thank you" doesn't seem sufficient, but I and my family do thank all who have and do commit to put the "mission first", "never accept defeat", "never quit", and "never leave a fallen comrade."

Good Friend, Great God

We had it on the calendar for weeks--"lunch at the Powells" on the 23rd.  In the midst of renovating one home while living in the home of a friend, the Powells' time to hang out was at a premium.

So, for weeks I looked forward to what in other seasons was a more regular time of fellowship for me with one of my closest friends and intense play for my kids with some of their best buds.

Pink carpet got in the way.

My husband I have lived in our current townhouse for 9 years and have yet to rip up the hideous pink carpet that blankets our floor. My apologies to anyone who has pink carpet and thinks it's just darling. We think otherwise and have wanted it gone since we first signed the contract to buy the house. Nevertheless, other priorities jumped to the front of the line for all these years.

Until just about a week ago, I would look at the pink carpet with disdain. Then, on Mother's Day, I finally did something about it.

I started ripping it up, one small section at a time. I knew better than to rip up the carpet from our entire room in one shot. I knew I would pay for it physically. My back simply would not cooperate. I knew better. That's why I worked on one little section at a time, over days, and took days in between sections to rest, and remembered to bend at my hip flexors rather than from my back, and to use my leg muscles rather than my lower back muscles, and to have Lawrence lift all the heavy furniture and rolls of carpet and.... I knew better.

My back did not know better. It has a mind of its own. And, this past Sunday after ripping up a rather substantial piece of our carpet (maybe I got a little greedy), that familiar ache began to gnaw at me.

I mentioned to Lawrence that my back really hurt and I was going to get on the floor right away with ice. I thought I was going to be able to rest and get ahead of it. But, it was too late.

By bedtime Sunday night, just brushing my teeth required concentration and deep breathing to function through the pain. I knew then that this week was going to be spent on the floor.

Thankfully, God has directed my steps to a chiropractor who seems to have the "magic touch" for my back. I have seen a handful of chiropractors, physical therapists and even a surgeon. No one has been able to take me to the point of comfort that my current chiropractor has! To say I am grateful for this man is an understatement.

I was very hopeful that after the adjustment last night, I would be back to my bouncy self. I needed to be.

Right before my chiropractor appointment last night, the kids and I picked up our first box of produce from a local CSA we are participating in this summer. In the box were a few vegetables I had never eaten, some I had never even heard of.  So, after researching online what I could do with these vegetables (from the floor of course), I was hopeful that by today I would be on my feet, able to work in my kitchen, cooking up some green goodness for my family.

This morning came and while the "locking-up" kind of pain had diminished significantly, it was still present and especially so when I stood for more than 3 minutes at a time. Cooking up green goodies was not going to happen.

Waste of any kind is not something with which I am comfortable and especially food waste and even moreso food that is oh so good for you. The thought of letting organic, leafy greens go to waste before their nutrient-dense goodness could be consumed was nearly consuming me.

But, what was there to do?

And then there was my lunch date with the Powells. We had waited so long. We were both looking forward to it so much. I prayed, and God opened my mind to an idea, but it was going to require humility on my part and incredible generosity on the part of my friend. Thankfully, generosity is my friend's strength. And so, the plan unfolded.

Today, the kids and I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon with our dear friends whom we hadn't seen for quite a while. I switched between laying on a yoga mat on their wood floor to resting on the couch in the kitchen while Jo prepared lunch for all 10 of us and then proceeded to take one of my green goodies I received at the farm yesterday, bok choy, and made a stir fry for my family to eat for dinner tonight. On top of that, she used up a glut of apples I had sitting in my crisper for too long to make 2 apple crisps, one for her and one for me.

When I texted my hubby this morning to let him know how the afternoon at the Powells was going to happen afterall, he texted back, "What a good friend. What a great God."

What a true statement. Good friends are wonderful gifts but mostly because they come from the GIVER of all good gifts and they point us to HIM who loves us in ways we don't deserve.

God made me mindful of HIM and HIS care for me, HIS awareness of my lot through the kindness and generosity of a good friend.

Do you need to be a good friend to someone today and hence cause them to be mindful of God? Or do you need to recognize that the good gifts you enjoy in your friendships are really just evidence of GOD's love for you?

Our local farm

For the first summer, we are going to participate in a CSA which stands for community supported agriculture. For those unfamiliar, the way it works is that a local farmer has a specified number of boxes of harvested produce or other farm fare he can supply customers on a weekly basis. Each individual or family who participates pays for the entire growing season before the start of the growing season.

CSA's help to support local farmers by ensuring funds upfront despite what weather or insects might do to his crops.  This helps the farmer with cash flow at the start of his season and keeps him from having to become overly concerned about the financial end of his business during the months of the year when most of his day is spent working the fields.  It ensures less waste and creates more awareness on the consumer's part about the source of his food and the work it takes to harvest such food.

There are other benefits as well, which I'm sure I'll write about in future posts. But, for this post I will highlight a perk our family enjoyed this past Friday. After a long day at the hospital with Judah for his pituitary stim. test, we were able to take part in our local CSA's kick off of the growing season ice cream social.

Two sets of dear friends of ours are also participating in the CSA this year. We met them at the farm and became acquainted with a handful of new friends. After enjoying some of the creamiest ice cream I've ever tasted topped with picked-from-the-field-that-morning strawberries and a chocolate sauce friends of the farm call, "yum-yum" sauce (with good reason), we strolled the fields and listened to our farmers, Tom and Sarah, explain the workings of their farm.

Anyone who knows me well knows I was in my element. Seeing the straight, plowed lines and the beginnings of  this season's harvest shoot up out of the earth, listening to the roosters crow, and watching the kids run free and play in dirt are among the simple joys that, for me, are a taste of paradise.

We thoroughly enjoyed clod hopping in our mud boots through the fields as we listened and learned from Tom and Sarah about the methods they employ that distinguish their farm as organic. After the tour, we were invited to take our pick at the first of the season red-ripe strawberries.

I have big hopes for our relationship with Tom and Sarah and Flying Plow Farm. Just from our one evening spent there, my kids already have a greater knowledge and deeper appreciation for their food and the work required to get it to the plate. In years to come and, God willing, after many hours spent volunteering at the farm (that's my plan for the kids' and my future summers), I'm trusting we'll all have only benefited further from this new found relationship.

Here are some photos from our night on the farm. Click on the picture to see all the photos.

May 18, 2012

Judah's pituitary stimulation test

We did this nearly 4 years ago. We woke our kids up out of their sleep, ushered Tucker and Bella to various sitters and told Judah that we had to go to the hospital for a big test. Different from when Judah was 3 yrs. old, this morning he knew a lot more what those words entailed.

I was anxious to say the least about how waking up to this news would sit with Judah. Fearful that he'd break out in fitful tears and pleas of dissension or inwardly struggle with bitterness toward us for not giving him more time to process, I waited to see his response. But, I also asked a lot of people to pray for us, too.

Those prayers were heard and answered today, exceeding our expectations.

We are grateful to so many of our friends and family who prayed for this test and who have walked this journey with us all these years. We do not take it for granted at all. We are so blessed. And, in this past year as I have begun to welcome Judah into the reality that others pray for him, he has expressed his own gratitude as well. He has said often to me, "Please tell people to keep praying for me" or "I like when people pray for me."

Along with your prayers, many of you have played in supporting roles by keeping our other two monkeys for us while we attend to Judah. I cannot say thank you enough. I pray for you each and every time, and I trust God is using all of this for everyone's good. He's always doing 1,000 things at once.

So, today's test for those who like to know details involved an IV catheter placed in Judah's arm. Something new this time as compared to last time was a device called the "accu-vein" (or maybe that's the manufacturer?). In our pictures below, you'll see one has a red light hovering over Judah's arm. This machine detects de-oxygenated blood, veins, and helps the nurse find the best vein for whatever procedure she is doing. We all thought that was pretty cool and had a fun time exploring the arms of everyone in the room.

There are no pictures of Judah having the catheter initially placed because that was "all hands on deck" time--one nurse trying to get the catheter placed in just the right spot, another nurse holding Judah's arm ever so still, my hubby holding Judah on his lap as I was talking Judah through his emotional response to the pain, reminding him to take deep breaths, encouraging him to keep still, and commending his courage.

Aside from the actual "stick", Judah did not cry for the rest of the test, nor did he cry at the news of having to have the test done. My boy grows braver and more mature each time.

Along with maturity comes the switch from rewarding him with donuts to giving him a $5 limit on Legos of his choice. Given today's rather lengthy test and intensity of it, we felt it was worth at least $15! ;)

So, he chose "Kai's Blade Cycle" and worked on that for almost the entire 3 hours. Once he completed putting that together, he was able to use the computer in the room to access internet and watch videos from Legoclub.com, his latest obsession. On days like today, it's very helpful to have a kid obsessed with something such that it will hold his attention for 3 full hours...on an empty stomach I might add.

Judah mentioned a couple times throughout the test how hungry he was, and we even heard his stomach growl, but overall responded really well to not having anything to eat until 1 pm today! I didn't make it, however, and had to sneak out of the room to grab some breakfast and coffee mid-morning. I think I'd rather have a blood draw than have to fast. Seriously. And, my buddy did both this morning and did so in such an exemplary way.

It is a joy to see Judah grow in these contexts. As difficult as they can be and as weighty as the health issues are at times, I see God using it to grow my son in character and maturity and courage and probably other things that I will only see later down the road.

He engages with his care providers with confidence and maturity. I want to believe that for some of his nurses and doctors at least, Judah is some sunshine in their day. The care providers we interact with treat some very sick children who can be incredibly affected by their ill health in heart breaking ways. Judah doesn't have an easy lot by any means, but he has been relatively very fortunate, and I want to believe brings some joy and hope to the care providers with whom he interacts.

We had great nurses today, and let me tell you what an incredible blessing that is and difference it makes in how Judah, and I would guess any child, responds to these circumstances. I have immense respect and great affection for pediatric nurses and doctors especially. They are a special, special group of men and women. If you are one and reading this, thank you, thank you, thank you! I think you could have one of the most challenging, at times heart breaking jobs on the planet. I pray the rewards far outweigh the costs to you.

So, here are some photos from our day. You can click on the image to see all of them. I'm relieved we're done with it, and elated that it went so well. Now, we wait for the results and pray for a miracle.

Pituitary Stimulation Test, 2012

Mother's Day

As a special way to honor my mom and bless another in Haiti, I submit the following as a part of the 1,000 moms project:



 


It wasn't long after I had my first babies (I had twins the first go around) that I realized I loved my boys in such a way that they could never reciprocate. Following that line of thought, it dawned on me that I never did nor ever will love my mom the way she loves me. I think it's impossible to reciprocate directly a mother's love. The best anyone can do is to give it to another.


One is not able to define this kind of love simply. Words like sacrificial, unconditional, and persevering, while a good start, just don't fully capture the love a mother has for her child.


This love wants to quit but goes the extra mile instead.


This love wants to lash out but bites her tongue.


This love doesn't want to be bothered but chooses to be inconvenienced.


This love isn't always that interested in the subject being discussed but listens attentively and purposefully replies.


This love messes up sometimes but always come back to ask for forgiveness.


This love. It's not perfect, but it perseveres. It sometimes struggles to serve but sacrifices nonetheless. It doesn't always meet our expectations, but it is unconditional.


I love how one of my favorite authors, Ann Voskamp, states what I am trying to articulate:


Perhaps there was something more powerful to experience than a perfect Mother: the wonder of a committed Mother who simply humbles herself.


My own mom has a long record of sacrifice, perseverance and humility. Having born four children from her own body, she gladly made three more her own when she re-married a man who lost his wife in a hit-and-run car accident. Well acquainted herself with the unique pain of losing one's spouse after having to say goodbye to my dad who passed into eternity as a result of cancer, my mom was a good match for my stepdad.


In the midst of profound loss and change in her life, she continued to lay down her life for the good of her children, now all seven of them, equally.


Did she do the mothering thing perfectly? No, and she'd be the first one to tell you that. But, when I consider how many opportunities (and many of them given her by her ungrateful children) she has had to throw in the towel and say, "I quit", yet persevered to love and care for, to repeatedly absorb offense from us, I am amazed and grateful.


After 39 years of mothering, she is not done. She still has one bird in the nest. Just when it seems we are all finally out of her hair, another one decides to move back home. And, truth be told, the day that all her children are officially out from under her roof, one or two of the grandchildren may be old enough and in trouble enough to be sent to live with her then, too.


I tell my mom that she'll be done when she's dead. Does she want to live free of the responsibilities and emotional weight of being a mom and now a grandma sometimes? Yes. I think she does. I do, too, and I have only been doing this mothering gig for only 8 years now.  But, she perseveres and gives so much of herself to her family, her very large and demanding family.


If you are a mom, thank you for the ways you sacrifice and persevere.


If you feel like a failure as a mom, know this. You only fail if you fail to get back up again.


If you are a child (ha...aren't we all), give thanks for the imperfect mother God gave you, and try to see and thank her for the ways she has persevered and sacrificed on your behalf even if the only evidence of it was simply birthing you into this world.


If you are childless and don't want to be, consider that the desire to love another as you would a child may not be for one you bear from your womb. Pray that God would grant you that gift, but may I humbly ask you to consider if it may be to a child another woman bore on whom you are to bestow this motherly love?


Mother's Day can be a difficult time for many, but I believe it is still a day worth celebratin. While none of us have or are perfect mothers, we can know the One who created mothers because Jesus died on the cross for all mommas' (and daughters', and sons') imperfections. He then rose from the dead, conquering death, the penalty for our imperfections. And this God--He IS perfect. His love is perfect. It never disappoints. It never fails. 

April and May's 30 day challenges

April is a week past, and I am just now posting how I did with its 30 day challenge. Enjoying a week away from our normal routine with my hubby home from work, I unplugged most of last week. It was one of our best "stay-cations" yet as a family, but I'll write more about that in another post. For now, I'm sure all my 3 readers are on pins and needles to hear how I did with April's challenge and what May's 30 day challenge is going to be.

My challenge for April was to write 15 minutes a day. Most days I did write, but not all. Some days I wrote much longer than 15 minutes, and I certainly didn't publish everything here on the blog. Nevertheless, it was highly enjoyable to exercise my brain in a way I haven't for a while. A dear friend was kind enough to dialogue with me via email about some of my writing and provide input and encouragement. I am very grateful to have avid readers and accomplished writers for friends who are kind enough to take me and my writing seriously even though it doesn't deserve such attention.

My friend, Danielle, suggested I purchase a book called, "Writer Mama" to practice and strengthen my writing. I ordered it last night and am excited to have an external motivator to keep my writing muscles from going limp.  My pastor once said that if one doesn't pursue one's passion, it will soon not be her passion. I have long remembered that in regards to many things I have been passionate about in life (and if you know me closely, you know that encompasses quite a lot. I am one of those passionate-about-everything people who wishes for even a moment of apathy to know what it feels like. :) )  Writing is one of those things I love but know I need to practice.

So, I'm glad I did it. As I'm finding with many of the 30 day challenges I've done so far, it has been so helpful to articulate passions and give them life by way of setting attainable, measurable goals.

For May, my goals are as follows:

• Pray for my leaders daily. I think I'm going to narrow this to my husband, my pastors and the President of our country. I know there are many others in leadership over me, but I am choosing to focus on these few with fervor rather than gloss over many in quick prayers for all in authority over me.
• Go upstairs to my bedroom by 9:30 pm and be in bed (maybe asleep) by 10:30. 
  This is huge for me because I have made a habit of staying up late at night after the kids go to bed, sometimes for good reasons like cleaning my kitchen and folding laundry, sometimes for selfish reasons like having "me" time to catch up on facebook and my gazillion blog posts I've bookmarked over the course of the day. I am hoping this will jump start afresh a daily habit that will serve my family better.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to post some pictures and some words about how to do stay-cations well. We've done a number of them now, and I think we're finally finding our "groove". I'd love to pass along some of what I've learned over the last couple of years on how to "do" stay-cations successfully. Tune in! :)

In my shoes (which happen to be from Target clearance racks).

Yes, my shoes are indeed from the Target clearance racks. I will spring "good money" for the sneakers I work out in, if you consider "good money", $100. But, otherwise, the majority of my clothes are hand-me-downs (thank you, kind sister-in-law!) or from Target, the thrift shop, or discount department stores like Marshalls.

Where I don't spend in clothing I do spend on food and health care. Some of my spending in this area of life comes from necessity. We were entrusted with the care of children with chronic medical needs. I, myself, have chronic medical needs, and that has forced our hand in where we spend a lot of our money. Nevertheless, there is room for me to be frugal and thoughtful about spending in this area and that's what I want to discuss in this post.

My husband and I are fortunate to have health insurance provided to us via LA's employer. I know health care is a hot topic and in the process of change and potential overhaul, but for now, we are still carried under my husband's employer. Is it the best plan out there? That's a rather difficult question to answer, and I would love to have some time to do some research on it. But, at the moment, I'm trying to teach my kids, get dinner on the table nightly and keep my home in some semblance of order and cleanliness.

This week was a difficult one because it involved several decisions for our family's health care.We found a great pediatric dentist when my children first started needing one. At that time, she was covered by our insurance. Three years ago, she stopped participating with our insurance; it was a sad day when we learned this fact. We LOVE our pediatric dentist. For locals, it's Dr. Diana Capobianco with Growing Smiles. Not only is the office super kid friendly, now with 5 IPads loaded with games, every employee from the hygenist to the billing clerk is friendly and helpful. To boot and most importantly, Dr. Diana knows about Sturge-Weber Syndrome (SWS), my sons' diagnosis, and how to deal with Port Wine stains (PWS) in the mouth, which my son also has.

I have opted to have my children remain patients at Growing Smiles, but I have had to be thoughtful about managing our health care costs. So, instead of going every 6 months, I have had two of my cavity-free children go for cleanings and check ups only once a year. I have one child who is prone to cavities, and now apparently after this week's visit, two children (sigh).

After this week's check up, it was discovered that one of my children needs a filling. Add to that life's curve balls; this week one of my sons chipped his adult tooth, and it needs repaired. Decision time.

Instead of having our pediatric dentist do the filling and repair, I decided I would have my husband and my dentist, who is 100% covered with our insurance, give it a try. He's a great dentist as well, just not specialized in pediatrics. Nevertheless, I have confidence that if my children cooperate well enough, he is a very capable dentist and will do a great job. He doesn't have the lovely air balloon murals on his walls or IPads in the waiting room, but he'll get the job done. Compromise is the name of the game when managing health care costs.


This was difficult for me because it meant that I had to tell our pediatric dentist that, "Hey, we can't afford the care we think is best for our children, so we're going to go with what we feel is second best." Ugh. That was humbling for me. For some, this might not be an issue. But, for me to tell a health care provider, "I can't afford your services" whether it is for my children or myself is very difficult for me.

At least in the United States and in particular, Maryland where I live, options for how to pursue optimal health are abundant. In my own journey toward good health, I have sought out professionals or services not covered 100%  by my insurance. I have made changes to our eating habits and lifestyle that are costly. And, I continue to face decisions on how much to spend and how far to take this pursuit of health.


How much is enough?

We have a heart to give as much as we possibly can to the advancement of God's Kingdom albeit through supporting the ministries of our local church or through organizations other than our local church. We want to support teenagers wanting to do summer missions' trips. We want to fund adoptions for those pursuing them. We want to support many of my friends doing campus ministry among college students, the "game changers" of our future. And, I recognize that the decisions I make for our health care directly affect how much is available to give to these and other important causes.

So, here are a few (humbling-at least for me) ways I've attempted to do the best I can in this area:

1. Ask for samples. I have had to regularly call my primary care provider (PCP) to ask him to set aside samples of a medication I take daily. Recently my dose was increased, and the way it works with insurance, I would be paying the price for two prescriptions in order to fill my dosage correctly. That may sound complicated; it is. So, my solution has been to call my PCP once a month or so and say, "HI, this is Briana again calling to see if you have any samples of ....that you could set aside for me?"  Thankfully, they have samples in stock and are kind enough to set them aside for me thus far saving me a ton of money!

2. Take time to think about the treatment plan. Unless one is facing an emergent situation, such as an asthma attack, TIME is on your side. I've been in numerous situations where we have a problem, the doctor has a solution but it's costly. Rather than cower to the pressure of the "expert" telling you what your best course of action is, ask for time to go home and think about it. Do research. Talk to your nurse/doctor friends if you have any. Especially with issues that affect children, in talking with other parents, you may find someone who's been down the same road and pursued a diffferent and less costly treatment plan. Facebook and other social media can work for you in this way! Use it. Remember that doctors, while most sincerely want only the best treatment for their patient, can still be driven the insurance companies who pay them, which are undoubtedly driven by the bottom line!

3. Say "No, we're going to wait and pray." This may raise an eyebrow or two, but I can attest to the faithfulness of God when I have trusted my "gut" and followed this course of action--no action. Thankfully, in our country we still have the freedom to go against medical advice, especially as it concerns our children. There are doctors advising all kinds of treatments for children these days--anti-anxiety medications (ask me how I know this!), other behavioral modification medications, and even flu shots. Now, I am certainly not opposed to pharmaceutical interventions when they are necessary, and at times they certainly are necessary and helpful. But, I do believe pharmaceutical medicines are quickly and  incredibly over prescribed before time has been given or other options considered.

As a believer in Jesus, I know the greatest Physician of all time. I know the very ONE who fashioned and formed my very being. I know the ONE who knit my children together in my womb and knew of them before I even did. I have access, FREE access, to the best, world famous, as my son would say, Physician of all time-GOD. There are times we need to manage our health care costs by managing our hearts to remember Who really is the One who heals us and sustains us.

Money doesn't grow on trees, at least not in our back yard. So, I've had to learn ways of managing an area of significant expenditure in our family. I have more to learn, I am sure. But, I hope what I have gained along this relatively short journey I have been on for the last 8 years may benefit someone else.

For Our Kids

It's 9:30 pm and I just put away the peanut butter and jelly for at least the 5th time today. The hubby wanted a late night pb&j, so out came the bread, peanut butter and jelly once again. The dishwasher door stands open, clean dishes waiting to be put away so that the dirty ones in the sink can be thrown in and washed for tomorrow's myriad of meals.

The living room is mostly titied from the various homeschool books read, blankets made into forts, and tea set enjoyed with a neighbor friend. Four loads of laundry have been washed, three dried, none folded or put away yet.

Dinner was ham and potato soup tonight. Should have had green beans in it, but alas no green beans in the house, so I made due with what I had.

Yet a few chores to do and shower to take, I will head to bed "early" so that I won't fall prey to the temptation to hide back under the covers after assembling my hubby's lunch in the morning because I must be at the dentist at 8:30 for my oldest's cleaning and check up.

This week, I'll load my three crazies, as I like to refer to them now-a-days, in our van a half a dozen times or more to shuttle them to various doctors' appointments, homeschool co op, friends' houses, and at the very end of the week, to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Is there any better way to end to the week than a trip to Grandma/Grandpa's house? My children think not.

If you're a momma reading this, you likely have a similar week to mine ahead of you. Maybe instead of doctors'  appointments, you will be transporting your gang to baseball practice or ballet. Instead of homeschool co op, you may be driving to after school day care. Regardless, you have dinner to prepare or pick up, laundry to do, floors to sweep (though this is always optional!).  And most, most importantly you have a child(ren) to love on and hug and read to and envision and train for life. 

It's all hard work, isn't it? Some days are harder than others. Some days are more rewarding than others. But, we go to bed every night with the faces and voices of our child(ren) impressed in our minds, and we wake up every morning motivated to live and serve and lay down our lives for their good, to see them experience the fullness of life and God and other people.

Grab a tissue or two, watch this amazingly inspiring video my hubby had me view the other night, and be freshly inspired to keep doing this "momma" thing. Ask every morning and many moments throughout your day for the strength, help, and wisdom from God to love your littles (or bigs) like HE loves them, and to serve them like HE has served us. And, then go finish with those dishes and laundry. or not.  ;)

Click here

After Tax Season Family Day 2012

My hubby has worked 8 busy seasons now, and we are all grateful to have them behind us. Each year, LA takes off work the business day after tax day to spend entirely with us. We are so blessed to have him with us for an entire day, and God has been kind to allow us special memories celebrating His provision for us.

This year, the weather was unusually warm but gorgeous for our After Busy Season Family Day. We started the day off as we do for many occasions, eating a tasty breakfast at Dunkin Donuts. I'm happy to say that at least one of my children has now moved on from a donut to the breakfast sandwich, signs that they are indeed growing up! ;)

We made a quick stop at home to pack some lunch and beach gear and headed to a lovely, local park in the Gunpowder State Park, Hammerman Beach. Rather than heading straight to the beach, we surprised the kids with a quick stop at Target where we treated the boys to new Lego sets and Bella to a new sun hat, just like mommy's, and snacks. Of course, we had to have our snacks.

More crowded than we've ever seen the beach this time of year, but still sparse enough to enjoy it, we waded in the water, built legos, read and rolled in the sand. I will never understand why my children like to roll in the sand. I cringe every time I see them do it. Ick.

Only half way done with our day but Bella conked out in the car on the way home from the beach. We made another "pit stop" at home for a potty break and more snacks (yes, we eat a lot all day long). Having the extra time to travel to the top of Harford County, we leisurely drove to another state park listening to an audiobook I recently reserved from the library, "Strawberry Girl." We love listening to audiobooks while driving. It's a great way to expose the kids and myself to vast amounts of good literature and to keep them quiet while on the road. ;)

Apart from the stinky dog poop, the hike to Kilgore Falls, a.k.a Falling Branch, was delightful. Weather was great. Trail was a blend of straight paths, some parts with roots sticking out, and a few rocky climbs. When I reached the falls, I couldn't help but to stop and take it all in: the cool spray of the falls, the steady flow of the water over rocks' edge, the spattering of folks sun bathing or playing fetch with their dogs, the varying textures of God's creation-rocks,trees,ferns and water. It was breathtaking.

I thoroughly enjoy being on a trail somewhere. It clears my mind and makes me feel the nearness of God. I love taking it all in. It is a simple pleasure for me and one I'm grateful my family enjoys, too.

After our hike, we headed to a local restaurant for dinner. That was a rather irritating experience, truthfully, so I won't mention the restaurant here. However, I will say that most of the irritation stemmed from trying to use a restaurant.com coupon. There were too many guidelines on using the coupon, and by the time all was said and done, it not only wasn't much of a deal, it was for food that was lackluster at best. To think that we spent $20 for a ramekin of crab dip which was really just spiced up cream cheese, and a small glass of wine that I chugged due to eating dinner with children (note to self--I will never order alcohol while out to dinner with my children again. I simply could not enjoy it.), rather spoiled the entire experience.

Nevertheless, good ol' Wegmans came to the rescue. We do love our local Wegmans and learned among all the other favorite treats of ours, they also sell soft serve icecream! Did you know that?

LA had his standard vanilla milkshake and the kids had a twist on a cone. I was too full at this point and surprisingly opted out of dessert.

After a long, delightful day we headed home for bath/showers and bed. We were all happily tired and fell into bed early, except for me who waited forever for our computer to upload the pictures from the day, all of which you can enjoy by clicking on the following picture.

April 16, 2012

50 and cruising?

I heard on the radio today a woman talking about how great it is to be 50. She said, "I've traded in my to-do list for my bucket list." Expanding on her rather witty remark, she said that she is at the stage in life where she gets to do what she WANTS to do rather than what she HAS to do.

Today, I am 35 and head deep in the homeschooling, dish washing, laundry folding, child training, sibling referring, husband-career building years. Today, I cannot imagine being 50, a time in my life when homeschooling my children will be done (at least it better be). I will no longer be breaking up sibling conflicts or training them in proper table manners and how to share their 'toys' (at least I hope not). My husband's career will be well established and earning the benefits of today's long hours (at least it better be).

While my life today is full of things I have to do, I don't want to embrace an expectation that when 50 comes I will finally have reached the point in life where I get to do what I want to do. It's "me" time. It's time to cash in on all the years of me pouring out my life in service to my children, husband and others.

I'm not assuming that the woman on the radio station was living a life as I just described, but I will say that when I hear statements such as the one she made, it does make me stop and think. If I do not plan now to serve later and to my dying day, I will by default embrace such a mentality. I will get to 50 and think, "Ok, it's my turn to take."

If you were a fly on our walls, you'd hear me share a particular scripture with my children nearly everyday. And, frankly I need to be reminded myself everyday, too. It is Mark 10:45, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."

Because my Savior, Jesus, who is King of Kings and Creator of all, came to earth as a humble servant, I am compelled to follow in His steps. I am compelled to serve and keep on serving even at 50 and beyond.

In this season of my life, I feel sort of forced into serving many days. But, another season is coming...or so I've been told, when I will have more freedom to choose whether or not I serve, who I serve, how much I serve, etc. I pray that I will indeed choose to serve with much vigor and humility. I pray that I will not adopt an "it's my turn to do what I want to do" attitude toward life. As John Piper states it, I pray I will not "collect seashells" and "waste my life" in self indulgence and comfort in my older years.

**Anyone who happens to read this may remind me of this in 15-30 years...please do!**

For further, and much better articulated, thoughts on this topic, listen to one of the following two messages by John Piper:

For the "younger" crowd--http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/conference-messages/dont-waste-your-life--2

For those in the 'evening' of your life--http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/conference-messages/getting-old-for-the-glory-of-god

From the Floor

Thanksgiving-a time when we give thanks for all the blessings, all the good, everything that’s gone well-is what marks the beginning for me. It was the beginning of a journey I never wanted to take, down a path with several twists and turns. It was the beginning of what has been the end for me of many things, and I wonder what more it will take from me. It was the beginning of chronic pain.

Only days after Thanksgiving, 2007, I found myself nearly immobilized by pain. I was floored, literally, by a pain that seized and controlled and left me out of control, on the floor desperate for relief. Not even the un-medicated childbirth of my third born compared to this pain.

Now four years later, after numerous scans, doctors and therapies, I still find myself at times bulldozed by gnawing, distracting, and even seizing pain. I’m grateful for respites, and I’m grateful for tolerable. I’m still learning to give thanks for the intolerable, crushing blows, though.

Sometimes the pain chains me to this earth--to the fallenness of this world and the brokenness of my body. It distracts me from being heavenly minded because so much concern and thought is devoted to relief .

But, sometimes the pain is a door of mercy, opening up to me mysteries I’d not understand otherwise, insights I’d not see, and beauty I’d not know. I had one such time recently as I lay face down on the floor with ice. It was there God lifted me and opened my eyes to see past the pain, to feel beyond the discomfort, to know Him while I shared in just a taste of His suffering.

From my journal that morning, I wrote, “Down on the floor, it's dirty and dusty, and I lay in the midst of it. I don't just see it; I'm in it. And I'm thinking this morning as I peer under my nightstand that this might be just a taste of what it was like for Jesus to come live among us--among our filth and sin.”

He left the brilliance of Heaven to live among the base.

He left the splendor of Heaven to live among the simple.

He left the grandeur of heaven to live among the ungrateful.

He left the virtue of Heaven to live among the vile.

Thank you, Lord, for your willing condescension.

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:6-8

Resurrection Cake

Inspired by Jessica Fisher at Life is Mom, I decided to try my hand at a Resurrection cake for our Easter celebration tomorrow. Here’s how I constructed mine.

I made my favorite chocolate cake which just happens to be a vegan cake, believe it or not. It truly is the most, moist chocolate cake I’ve tasted (other than Cracker Barrel’s coca-cola cake, which probably has a whole lot more calories).

Here’s the recipe in case you’re interested:

3 c. flour (I use a white whole wheat)
2 c. sugar
1/3 c. cocoa
2 tsp.baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp.instant decaf coffee grounds (*optional)
2 c.water
¾ c. oil (I used 3/8 c. coconut oil, melted and 3/8 c. canola oil)
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp. apple cider vinegar

Mix all dry ingredients together and then wet ones into the dry. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes.
**For this cake, I baked about 2/3^rd of the batter in an 8X8 pan and 1/3^rd in my Pampered Chef batter bowl (to make the mound on top of the square cake.)

Once cakes are cool, turn the square cake out onto your display platter.

Turn the cake in the batter bowl and trim the top so that it is flat. Place that on top of the corner of the square cake and ice with icing or your choice. (I used our favorite—peanut butter icing.)

For decoration, I used the following:

• an oatmeal raisin cookie for its texture to illustrate the stone that was rolled away
• chocolate “stones” I found at Wegmans. I was thrilled; I think they are the coolest.
• I believe it is a Caspian figurine from the Narnia series for Peter peering into the tomb.
• Lollipop stick cut in half with a banner wrapped around it declaring, “He is Risen"

I had a lot of fun making it; I think the kids are going to have a lot of fun eating it!

God became man
Offering up Himself
On the cross
Died for sin

Forgiving my debt
Righting my wrongs
Imbibing God’s wrath
Dying to save
Achieving the victory
Yours forevermore

How did I do? Update on March's 30 day challenge

March's challenge was to memorize a verse of scripture each day. For that I planned on memorizing Psalm 145 and Psalm 146.

I only memorized Psalm 145. When I reached the last verse in that Psalm, I petered out, not because I wasn't enjoying storing up scripture in my mind and heart. I was. I found this challenge to be so beneficial to my soul. I think I just grew lazy of the mental challenge, in all honesty. Nevertheless, at the end of this post, I would like to write as much from memory as I can from Psalm 145.

The 2nd challenge for March was not to drink soda which I am happy to say I successfully accomplished. It was most difficult the first 2-3 weeks. It then became much easier, and I only really wanted it when we'd be eating pizza on family night or out to eat at a restaurant. My ongoing plan with diet soda is to limit it to eating out or at special events. I let my hubby know today that I will only be buying it for the house when it's $2.00/case or if we are having folks over who we know will appreciate having it. Otherwise, I'd rather not pick the habit up again of having a diet soda every afternoon (or more often as some days I did).

Psalm 145--

I will extol you, my God and my King. I will bless you forever and ever.

Everyday I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever.

Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised. His greatness is unsearchable.

One generation shall commend your works to another and shall declare your might acts.

On the glorious splendor of your majesty and on your wondrous works I will meditate.

They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds and I will declare your greatness.

They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

The Lord is good to all and his mercy is over all that He has made.

All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord, and all your saints shall bless you.

They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and tell of your power to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom and your dominion shall endure throughout all generations.

The Lord upholds all who are falling, and raises up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you, and You give them their food in due season.

You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works.

The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.

He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him; He also hears their cry and saves them.

The Lord preserves those who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

True confession: At best I need to re-memorize the last 3 verses and was needing some word prompts throughout. So, I will continue to work on Psalm 145.

In the meantime, my 30 day challenge for April is to write at least 15 minutes a day. It could be for the blog or not. I have always dreamed of writing a book but have never really invested time into the work of it. While I don't think I will write a book by giving my attention to it only 15 minutes a day, I will nevertheless sharpen up my skills for that potential. One can't eat an elephant all at once, but only one bite at a time.