Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark.

That looks on tempests and is never shaken...

William Shakespeare

Looking at old pictures and a notebook full of sentiment and sap from our 'courting' days, I couldn't help but laugh just a little. At the time I penned so many words to Lawrence, now my husband of 10 years, then just a boy I thought I loved. I'm good for words, lots of words. I speak them. I write them. But, it's actions that count, isn't it?

And, for 10 years, it's been Lawrence's actions that have spoken louder than his few words, though his words are priceless, too. (For the record, he still has the best pick up lines ever, and they work every time.)

We thought we knew each other when we said, "I do." There was so much knowing yet to discover. And it certainly wasn't all pretty or enjoyable. We've seen the ugliest there is to see in a person. Anger.Bitterness.Betrayal.Selfishness.

We've had some really dark moments, some brought on by our own sin and others brought simply by the Sovereign Hand of God. So, how did we get to 10 years--two of the most opinionated (and always of differing opinions), prideful, stubborn people on the planet.

Marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ with His church. Christ lays down his life for His Bride, the church, and the church joyfully submits to the leadership of Christ, no matter the cost, assured of His love for her. Have we demonstrated this so well through our marriage? Not perfectly, probably not even well. But, we are trying.

We keep forgiving. We keep persevering. We keep suffering long. We keep looking to the One who does love perfectly. We keep covering over a multitude of sins because that's the only way we're going to get to 20 years and 30, 40 and should we both live long enough, 50 and 60!

For now, I'm just beyond ecstatic to be celebrating 10 years married to Lawrence Noe Almengor not because it's been better than I could have asked or imagined because, quite truthfully, it's been a nightmare at times. It's been a hard, hard road. It's been a fight to love and cleave and not look back. But, I celebrate because all that hard, all the fight, all the resolve to make this work is ALL because of God's abundant grace.

There is NO way we'd be here today if God had not set His affection on us, if He did not open our eyes to HIS great love that covers over a multitude of our own sins, freeing us to then in turn cover over a multitude of each other's sins.

I do love you, Lawrence. You are my man. I love that we have shared life's most gut wrenching moments together along with its greatest joys. I love your lines, and I am undone when I consider how you have asked God to allow me to die before you so you can "usher me into His arms." You have shown me great grace. You have done me great good. I thank God for you.

Happy 10 years of covenant love, Lawrence!

Funny Kids

I don't think my children try to be funny; they just are funny.

One day recently, I thanked my girlie for getting me a napkin without complaining or arguing. I reminded her that the Bible says, "The greatest among you shall be a servant of all." At the other end of the kitchen, my son, who was making himself a sandwich, followed with, "I'm serving my stomach."

Walking down the stairs to grab a toy, my son noticed the dust buster I was using was starting to lose its charge. He promptly remarked, "Sounds like the dust buster needs a nap."

March's 30 day challenges

I'm sure many have been waiting on pins and needles to hear about the 30 day challenges I chose for March. ;)

I am aiming to drink no soda and memorize a Bible verse a day for 30 days. Good thing March has 31 days because I forgot about the no soda thing on March 1st and drank my usual diet caffeine free coke that afternoon.

I developed the soda habit when I did the South Beach diet several years ago. For those unfamiliar with SB, it restricts you from eating any sugar for the first phase of the diet which lasts 2 weeks or until your sugar cravings subside, which for me could have taken forever. I really don't know I can kick my sugar cravings, but that's for another post. Wanting to satiate that desire for sugar while "keeping the rules" of South Beach, I started drinking diet sodas. I have since read and learned that "fake" sugars send the same signals to one's brain as sugar does which makes clear why I can't kick my sugar cravings.

Nevertheless, I decided to do the 30 day challenge of no soda to seek to make no one and no thing my master but God alone. I want to make a tangible demonstration of that by taking a bit of a break from that daily ritual of downing a diet soda.

In addition, I want to memorize one Bible verse a day. I went back and forth on my approach for this. I considered selecting a variety of scriptures from an excellent series of CD's composed by Mark Altrogge that put scripture to music. You can find and purchase CD's from the "Hide the Word" series here: http://forevergratefulmusic.com/. I also considered choosing scriptures that pertain to an area of weakness for me in which I'd like to grow, for example passages from James that talk about taming the tongue.

But, where I landed as I was prayerfully paging through my Bible is where I think my heart will be most encouraged. Psalm 145 and 146 contain 31 verses and is a praise to the Lord. The best I can do for my soul is to spend extended time contemplating and giving thanks for the goodness and greatness of God. So, with that I'm jumping in with an effort to memorize these 31 God exalting verses.

30 day challenge check in

So, apparently February is over and March has begun. I'm having a hard time keeping track of the time of year given the weather we've been enjoying this winter. It was in the 60's today.

My 30 day challenges for February were not to criticize but encourage my hubby daily and to read leisurely for 15 minutes daily.

I chose not to pick up one specific book for the reading challenge but instead continue to plod on in the books and magazines I have on my nightstand along with the various blogs I read online. The goal was leisure. So, even though I typically read non-fiction for information or inspiration, I decided that IS leisure for me.

I picked up a new magazine this month that I am hoping to subscribe to sometime in the future. It's called, "Mother Earth News", and a friend of mine gave me her copy to read. It's choc full of inspiration and information for this tree huggin, crunchy girl. :)

In regards to encouraging my hubby, I figured he would be the best judge on how I did. Half way through the month, without soliciting for this, he said I was "rocking it" with the encouragement. Then, my stinking hormones decided to get the best of me and I turned into a beast. ick.

Nevertheless, I was grateful for the resource a friend pointed me to from Revive Our Hearts, a 30 day challenge on encouraging one's husband. So, I signed up for that and received an email each day with a scripture and a specific area on which to focus my encouragement to my husband. I found these emails very helpful and archived them. I am planning to go through them again in March. You can find that resource along with other 30 day challenges Revive Our Heart sponsors here: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/resource-library/30-day-challenges/

.5 inclines

In response to my friend, Laurie's, recent blog post about how misplaced priorities can sap the joy right out of motherhood I wanted to write about what she refers to as ".5 inclines." Here's the illustration she shared at her blog to provide context for you:

One helpful illustration a pastor gave was about his friend who was accustomed to running on a treadmill for exercise. His friend noticed one week that he wasn’t able to get to the same distance as easily lately. At the end of the week, he realized that the treadmill had been set at a .5 degree incline. It was just .5 degrees, but it made a huge difference in what he was able to accomplish. I think life for moms is full of .5 inclines. Maybe it’s a sick child, a teething baby, a husband working long hours, a head cold, any little thing that sets the normal pace of life at a bit of an incline. Are you feeling burdened lately by what used to feel routine? Maybe there’s a .5 incline that needs to be accommodated. You may want to make life easier somewhere else for that temporary season so that you save energy for your little “blessings”.

So, I thought I'd share some of the ".5 inclines" I have or do experience in my life and how I seek to accommodate for them so that the joy of motherhood (and marriage I might add) doesn't elude me. This is my aim. Am I always successful? No. Am I mostly successful? I would have to say no to that as well. BUT, I have grown and am growing and maybe, just maybe something here in this post might prove helpful to someone reading it.

My ongoing .5 inclines would include chronic health issues for mostly my son and myself that require an onslaught of doctors appointments from time to time. In January, we had 10. Less than some with chronic medical issues, more than others. Nevertheless, it wratchets up the stress and breaks into our routines and I would most definitely say it is a .5 incline in my daily living.

Another .5 incline would be my husband’s busy season; it runs from about mid January to late March/mid April (or so that’s how it’s supposed to go). He’s an accountant. Enough said.

I could mention other .5 inclines in my life, but these are the two biggies. Ironically, these two sets of circumstances have been occurring for almost the same amount of time in my life. My husband jumped into public accounting 8 years ago; my and my son’s health issues began about 7.5 years ago, when my boys were first born. There have been rough days here and many ugly moments, but I think I have learned something over the course of those 8 years.

Here are some ways I seek to accommodate for more stressful or demanding circumstances in my life so that I can maintain energy and joy in mothering and marriage.

Laurie wisely and aptly directed our attention to the source of all joy, Jesus, and how to derive the proper motivation and encouragement from Him in her post. My thoughts here are very practical but certainly find their heart in the wise words of my friend.

QUIET TIME

Some of the most defining moments of my day happen in the moments I take to spend reading and meditating on God’s Word and praying. However, something I’ve had to shed over the years is the guilt of not having a lengthy quiet time BEFORE everyone wakes up in the morning. This is so often prescribed at ladies’ meetings and growth groups and other contexts of the like. And, certainly there is biblical precedence and wisdom behind such advice. However, especially during my husband’s busy season, it doesn’t serve me best.

I wake rather early with my husband to make his breakfast and lunch. If I can manage to keep my eyelids open, I do try to read God’s Word and pray. But often I am nodding off even if I’m sitting in a hard back chair. So, often I will read and pray however long I can stay awake and then I let my body go back to sleep.

That’s not the end of “quiet time” for me, though. If quiet time or devotions, whatever you want to call it, were just about checking something off a list of “to do’s” for the day, it would be the end. However, for me quiet time is about communing with my Lord and hearing from Him about how to live my life, receiving encouragement and hope to take the next step of obedience.

So, I ‘do’ quiet time similar to the way I eat….I nibble all day long…a little bite here, a little bite there. I keep books in my bathroom and read when I get that rare opportunity to go. I keep my Bible and/or devotional book I’m reading at that moment with me wherever I go. Sometimes I will even take it in the car. I keep prayer lists in my car as well. I listen to the online audio-bible or a sermon during dinner prep. Nibble.nibble.nibble. And, that’s how I survive. Because my days are long and so are the nights. Mornings come early and I am always tired. But, I must eat-spiritually and physically. So, I nibble. And it serves us all for this season of our life.

HAIR AND MAKEUP—simple!

Seriously, I’m still at the ponytail stage. I made a decision many years ago to stop highlighting my hair. It was costly of both my time and money. So, I do an all over color once a year and thankfully found a color that fades out into the natural color of my roots, so I never have that “you need a touch up” look. It works really well for me. I know this wouldn’t work for everyone.

Makeup—I don’t typically bother with makeup unless I’m going to a doctor’s office, church or some other event. Three days of my week, I’m at the gym anyway and don’t normally get to shower until after my kids are in bed, so I don’t bother with the morning makeup routine. That said, as I age, I am having more and more days where I look in the mirror and I can’t even stand to look at myself without makeup, so I will apply. And, I’m sure my hubby loves those days. J

SHOPPING

A few years ago, it dawned on me that I could buy virtually anything I needed at Target. So, during LA’s busy season especially, I do. Clothes, shoes, toys, gifts, food, medicine, whatever. And, I do it at Target because it’s so close to my house I could walk there. I do not have time to shop at the mall or other clothing retailers. If we’re wearing it and it’s not a hand-me-down, we probably bought it at Target.

COMMUNICATION

I don’t answer the phone and I keep the lid of my computer shut or on a different level of the house entirely on those days I’m really lacking self control. This became especially important when I began to homeschool. I could go on and on about this, but I’ll just state it that it works for me on so many levels and is necessary for me for so many reasons. Maybe it’s something that you want to consider.

HOUSE WORK/HOME DÉCOR

The condition of my home is far lower than my ideal standard. It’s not clean like I want it to be; it’s not decorated like I want it to be. We’ve lived in our home for 9 years and have painted only 5 out of 10 spaces. Our master bedroom has pink carpet in it with a pink/green patchwork border going around it. It’s hideous. Dare I even mention the layers of dust on my bedroom blinds or window sills?

That said, I do try to keep it orderly, somewhat clean and have tried my hand at painting/decorating a little bit. When I do attend to this area, I do what I call a “quick and dirty” job of it. I don’t clean as thoroughly as I would like nor as I was taught. *sorry, mom* I can’t remember the last time I cleaned out my fridge, and believe it or not, I’m one of those people who actually enjoys cleaning. I do. I know it’s neurotic, but I do.

The few times I’ve picked up a paintbrush or sought to beautify my home in some way, it’s not meticulously done. It’s “quick and dirty.” I recently had a hole in my living room wall that was patched and had ‘mud’ on it that needed sanding and painted. I had a dinner party I was preparing for and needed it done. Hubby was gone from the time he woke up to the time he went to bed. I had to do it. I couldn’t find sand paper, so I used an electric sander. I couldn’t find a paint tray so I used newspaper to hold the paint. It got done. Was it done the right way? Nope. But, it got done. Quick and dirty.

SERVING AND BEING SERVED

Many might think that during a season of stress or extra demands on one’s time and energy that she should refrain from serving others. God’s Word, however, encourages me to reconsider that perspective when it says, “He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11:25). I do believe there are times when God calls us to give beyond what we believe we have to give. I have seen Him time and time again provide energy and resources and (unusually behaved children J) when I’ve chosen to serve in a season where I am giving and giving and giving of myself to my children more than usual.

On the other hand, I am also reminded of the truth posed in James 4:6 that says “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Armed with this, I do ask for help and support from others for during my .5 incline seasons. A lot. I need a lot of babysitting for the various doctors’ appointments. So, I ask. And ask. And ask again. If people have offered meals, I have said, “Yes. We’ll take that. Thanks so much!” J

In past busy seasons I have even asked friends to have the kids and me for dinner or for the afternoon as a standing appointment one day a week to get in some fellowship for me and to help pass the time by when LA’s gone most of the day or traveling.

I call (or now, text) friends A LOT to ask for prayer because I’m a weak woman. I grow faint hearted and discouraged easily. I have amazing friends who bear God’s image to me and don’t grow weary of me but rather keep encouraging me and praying for me and cheering me on when I’m in the “pity pit” and want to give up.

Likely, there are areas where I need to accommodate more effectively for the .5 inclines God brings into my life because I’m still not the model of joyful motherhood and am definitely a beast of a wife to my husband at times (oh, like all last week). Nevertheless, I have made intentional efforts at cutting things out and letting things go that end up misaligning the few things that at the end of my life I want to say really were my priorities.

Foodies

We've done it for a year now: gathered, eaten, drank, laughed and learned more than we ever thought we wanted to know about brewing beer.

Along with my husband and me, three other couples get together once a quarter to "break bread." We're not talking your run-of-the-mill grocery store Wonder bread. We're talking artisan, crusty sourdough or a brioche. And, it's not a quick trip to Panera before we gather to pick up those breads; it's a labor in the kitchen for hours to make those breads from scratch kind of group.

Most of the participants in this group, what I affectionately call "foodies", are food enthusiasts. We not only love to eat, but we love to cook and bake and try new flavor combinations. There are a few exceptions, but those are the unfortunate spouse or two who graciously come along for the ride (and free food). Overall, though, we all enjoy learning and talking about food and drinks.

Care to know some of the fine food and drink of which we've partaken? Some of my favorites have been dry rubbed ribs, pureed cauliflower, Mississippi Buck, and creme brulee.

Sometimes a theme shapes the food and drink we all contribute, and whoever hosts decides on that theme. This past Saturday Lawrence and I hosted and asked everyone to bring something red in honor of Valentine's Day. We decided on veal/chicken parmesan for the entree and sangria for a red drink.

I tried my hand at Emeril's Veal Parmesan along with his Sangria, and Giada's Chicken Parmesan. Sadly, I was not impressed with the Sangria; it was not bubbly or sweet enough as far as Sangrias go. I loved that Giada's Chicken Parmesan was not breaded or fried but used fresh herbs instead to acquire flavor. It was good and I think would have been better had I not overcooked the chicken or served it next to Emeril's Veal. Where his Sangria lacked in flavor, his veal parmesan well made up for it.

I became an Emeril fan last night. He had me at "BAM". Actually, it was his own version of Creole Seasoning which he calls Essence that made the dish so spectacular. Reading through the recipe, I was nervous about the direction he took it in, that of spicy with kicks of red pepper flakes and cayenne pepper. But, the heat is what absolutely made this dish. The pancetta in the sauce probably didn't hurt either. YUM!

We started our evening with amazing bruschetta, what my son would call "world famous", at least the world of Sovereign Grace Church of Joppa (my local church). It is a Doug Shriner recipe, and anyone who's had the privilege of eating food that Doug's made knows that it's always good. His bruschetta recipe never disappoints.

Following our appetizer, we enjoyed something new for all of us, Borscht, a Russian red beet based soup. Served with one's choice of sour cream, mayonnaise or apple cider vinegar, it was surprisingly better than its name sounds. I enjoyed mine with the tang of apple cider vinegar.

By far we left the best for last, red velvet cake. For me who tries too hard to "healthify" even the desserts we eat here at the Almengor's, the taste of good old refined white sugar, white flour and full fat cream cheese was just to die for. And, I likely would if I ate regularly as much of that cake as I did last night! Oh my!

Here are some rather fuzzy pictures of our enjoyable evening in red:

February 26, 2012 Foodies

Bella's 5th birthday dress up tea party

My girlie had the unfortunate timing of being born during the busiest season of the year in my husband's work. He's an accountant; she was born Feb.12, 2007. So, this has meant that while the boys have enjoyed thought out, themed, eventful birthday celebrations, she has had the more traditional, simple celebrations with just our families, cake, icecream, and dinner at home, not that there's anything wrong with that. at all.

But, for Bella's fifth birthday, I decided I wanted to put forth some extra effort and throw a theme party that would include some of her favorite peeps. Asking Bella what kind of party she wanted, she immediately and confidently replied, "a dress up tea party." So, I did what every other mother in America would do and consulted Pinterest.

I found some really fun ideas there, pinned them all to my board entitled, "Bella's dress up tea party" and went to work. If you are not utilizing Pinterest yet, what's your problem? Just kidding. :) I have found it a wonderful online tool to hold all the creative and practical ideas I come upon surfing the world wide web. And, while like so many others will confess, I have lost hours of my life (usually late at night) surfing pinterest, I have also implimented a number of the items I've pinned. So, it's not a complete waste of time.

Here are some pictures from Bella's dress up tea party. You can click on the photo, and it will take you to my picasa web album where you can view a slideshow of her party pictures. Enjoy. And then go on Pinterest.com and follow all my boards. ;-)

2012-02 Bella's tea party

February's 30 day challenge

My next two 30 day challenges are 1. to withhold criticism from my hubby, and I am adding to this to give daily encouragement and 2. to read leisurely for at least 15 minutes.

I would actually like to poll anyone who might read this for suggestions for both of these challenges. Tell me to eat salad all day, I got it. Tell me to not be critical but encourage my hubby, I'm stuck. I.am.a.wretch.

YES, and a TROPHY OF GOD'S MERCY!!! That I am. Thank you, Jesus, for dying for even a sinner like me.

Can you help me?

I'm looking for creative ways to encourage my hubby, scriptures that may spur me on in this feat or anything else you think may help me with this challenge.

I'm also taking book recommendations. Admittedly, I don't really read for pleasure. It's one of those things that doesn't compute for me. I read for information or inspiration, but not just for pleasure. I know. I need to get a life. SO, I need help with this as well. For those who do this well, will you help a girl out? Suggest some titles. Much thanks. ;)

Gone Raw

Today marks the end of my first 30 day challenge, that of making 50% of what I ate raw, and not spending any extra money as subjective as that may sound.

I'm pleased with how the first 30 day challenge went. For the most part, I enjoyed eating this way. It does seem to suit me.

Some of the benefits I experienced from eating this way were that I lost the couple pounds I put on over Christmas and have been maintaining what is a comfortable weight for me without having to count calories. I just eat and my weight is holding. I'm happy about that. I have begun new habits that I believe will stick such as eating a piece of fruit or a smoothie in the morning when I'd usually grab a handful of chocolate chips.

Unlike the South Beach diet which I did several years ago and initially benefited from, I was able to still eat chocolate. This is pretty important to me. That said, I couldn't really go overboard with the chocolate (though my accountability partner might disagree with me on this point) because I always had to balance it out with eating something raw.

Eating 50% raw forced me to be thoughtful about my food choices which is good and for me, necessary, because otherwise, I really would eat chocolate chips, coffee and diet soda all day.

I enjoyed having a piece of fresh fruit with my breakfast, learning new smoothie recipes and watching my children eat more fruit and veggies as a result of mommy grabbing for that rather than chocolate chips. :)

The two aspects I found/find a challenge are the cost and the time. It really doesn't take THAT much more time to fix raw food, but I still found it to be more timely. And, we definitely are spending more money on fresh fruits and veggies. Worth it? I think so. I'm planning to keep this new way of eating long term.

The other 30 day challenge of not spending extra money was a great exercise in self denial, especially with eating out or grabbing "snacks" while we were out at places like BJ's or Target. Target is especially a challenge for me; those darn orange clearance stickers get me every time. :) But, not this time.

We were able to stay within our food/grocery and entertainment budgets this month which has always been a challenge for us. So, again, I'm hoping I can adopt this as a mindset ongoing.

January's end

Gotta say I'm glad to see the end of January. As I texted to a friend today, I'm not writing off 2012 yet, but January hasn't been such a great start. With that in mind, however, I want to purpose to review the last 31 days with the truth that God is always working ALL things together for my good. I really do believe that even when I'm disobediently grumbling about how He's doing that. So, the following is not a list of the good and bad. It's a list of all the ways God is somehow working ALL things together for my good. It's all grace, as one of my favorite authors, Ann Voskamp, says.

• 8 doctor's appointments & 2 trips to the lab for bloodwork, one for me and one for Judah
• MY AMAZING FRIENDS AND FAMILY who watched my kids making these trips to the doctor a wee bit easier. That would include in no particular order Heather Griger, Danielle Jones, Kathleen Zylka, Alana Lenhart, Jo Powell and my mother in law, Olivia Almengor. Thanks, wonderful women!
• a trip to New Jersey to visit and see the new life God's created for dear friends of ours. This was probably the highlight of my month. Thank you, again, to the Powells and Lyttles for keeping our kids. We do have amazing friends!
• learning so much about the beneficial uses of coconut oil and finding it online for some really great prices.
• finding a new doctor who lines up with me philosophically more than any doctor I've ever had.
• having dinner with friends, which they made and hosted, after a long day of doctors' visits.
• challenging and encouraging messages from our new Senior Pastor, Jimmy Cannon, on Nehemiah.
• friends walking through some pretty rough stuff but letting me be apart of it through prayer.
• encouraging homeschool talk with a mentor of mine (whether she's aware of it or not, Donna Hepler). :)
• keeping routines in place like pizza/family night and date night before caregroup even amidst the beginnings of LA's 8th busy season at work!
• staying within our food/grocery and entertainment budgets given our commitment to "no extra spending" this month.
• celebrating Judah's bravery with donuts from one of our favorite places, Dunkin Donuts. Along with America, the Almengor's run on Dunkins. :)
• the privilege of being able to babysit for friends and be on the giving end of serving for a change. :)
• my caregroup, the individuals and families of which are all going through their own "ringers" yet seeking nonetheless to honor God, to persevere, to pray and care for others. I am so blessed to be in community with you all.
• LA getting some hang time in with a good friend. I'm grateful for any time he gets to fellowship with other men.
• LA and I both making goals for January regarding food, weight and health and sticking to them. By God's grace, we both did well with this first 30 day challenge.
• Increased prayer life for LA. We feel so desperate and out of that desperation has birthed a new passion for prayer. I am so grateful to be praying more with him and see him initiating prayer more with me and the kids.
• missed phone dates with a long time friend because of my hoarse voice that continues and sheer exhaustion. I'll get to that email eventually, Beth. :)
• a "cold"? or cough that won't quit for Bella...perplexing for sure. Doesn't go away but doesn't get worse. No fever. ???
• Similarly, hoarseness for me that doesn't go away, doesn't get worse. ???
• a chronic pain issue that was under control, now back
• people's stares at my son that grow wearisome
• Bella learning how to sound out her color words
• enjoying good fellowship, a home cooked meal, a hearty laugh, and comfort for my soul via the Lewis' sisters at our caregroup leaders' dinner
• my mother in law who always helps me clean up after our family dinners together. She and my father in law, along with my own parents, consistently challenge me with their example of servanthood.
• a dark night of the soul that came upon me seemingly out of the blue but left quickly, too.
• a flood of scripture for my sleep and upon rising the next morning, His new mercies to greet me
• unexpected stream of facebook comments to encourage my soul when stuck in the pity pond
• a new, good source for beef. Looking forward to stocking my freezer again
• farmers who are fighting Monsanto and work so hard to provide good food for us to eat
• a friend's suggestion for good reads."Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God" and "Prodigal God", both turning out to feed my soul and fuel my love for Jesus
• tearful pouring out of concerns with dear friends of ours who understand and agree but point us to Jesus and the overwhelming power of the Gospel to unite
• sleepy sundays from a combination of new medicines and long weeks
• physical weakness like I haven't known in a long time
• a chiropractor who God is using to keep the pain at bay
• strife and ongoing tensions in marriage that keep us crying out to the Lord and to each other. This must get better; we are not satisfied and know neither is God. We persevere though it's hard.
• children who are home with me all day

Sandy and the Giant Jesus

Staring at a fish tank can be mesmerizing and calming, but after an hour it's just boring. Judah and I sat in the basement of Wilmer Eye Institute waiting for the doctor to give Judah his annual eye exam. With no magazines to read nor electronic device with which to play, we were left with the fish. Does anyone know why a fish would suck up stones from the bottom of the tank and then spit them out? Maybe he was as bored as we were?!

Finally, we were called to an exam room.

If you've not had the opportunity to be a patient at a teaching hospital such as Johns Hopkins (and I hope you have not), it's like a party in the room. You've got your technician or nurse who does all the work, the expert doctor, the one whose name is on your bill, and then a myriad of others, some residents, some interns, some fellows. The doctor could have his plumber in the room, and the patient would be none the wiser.

After strange person #2 examined Judah, he asked, "Mom, how many doctors do I have to see before I go home?" We were lucky today. Only 3!

Reading charts, eyes dilated, the brightest lights on the planet laser focused on his eyeballs and a doctor, who likely has coffee breath looking intently at your eye through a lens that magnifies that bright light even more are the hoops Judah has to jump through before he is allowed to leave.

Now, don't misunderstand. I am so grateful my son is able to receive this kind of excellent, thorough care. Recently, Judah learned that Johns Hopkins is considered one of the best hospitals in the world. Since then, he's repeated several times, "I am so glad I get to go to the best hospital in the world." And, we are, too! Truly.

I wouldn't be recounting our visit today in such a flippant manner had the outcome of Judah's examinations been different. We received good news today. The surgeries Judah had as a baby are holding strong and keeping the condition in his eyes stable for now. We are grateful.

After a much longer visit than I anticipated, it was the dinner hour, and Judah and I were both in need of nourishment. I needed caffeine for the trip home. Judah needed pizza and root beer. :) So, we trekked down the hallway to the hospital cafeteria.

Fixing my coffee, I bump into someone and politely say, "Excuse me." Out of the corner of my eye, I wonder if I know the woman I bumped. We all have these moments. You see someone out of context, out in public somewhere and you wonder, "Do I know that person? I think I know that person. I do know that person. I wonder if she saw me. I wonder if she recognizes me."

And, it's at this point you have a decision to make. Do I initiate a greeting, wait to see if she initiates, or bury my head in my purse to look for something while I dart around the corner pretending I never saw the person?

God is growing me in making the most of these opportunities, especially when Judah and I are at the hospital in part due to the memory of our first trip to Hopkins. Judah and Tucker were only days old, and here we were at a world renown hospital. I was incredibly overwhelmed with our new reality. I wasn't but several feet inside the doors of Hopkins when a woman approached me who was accompanying her young daughter in a wheelchair with tubes coming out of her nose. She offered her smile, a warm greeting, reassurance that we were in good hands and a hug. I am convinced she was an angel sent from Heaven to me that day. I have never forgotten that experience.

And, now I want to be that angel to someone else, daunted by their new found reality of illness, weakness, and even imminent death.

So, I approached her. Not remembering her name, I asked her if she had at one time attended IUP and worked in the Writing Center. Indeed she did. I confessed that I thought I knew her but didn't remember her name. She graciously replied, "Sandy. Did you used to be blonde?"

After introducing Judah to her and a very brief catching up, I asked what brought her to Hopkins. She nodded to the right in the direction of an elderly couple, "My mom."

I gently touch her arm and ask her mom's name.

"Paula."

It must have been so fresh that she couldn't even utter the diagnosis.

Sandy was the deer in the headlights I remember being that first day we visited Hopkins.

I looked Paula and her husband in the eye and back to Sandy and said, "Well, I don't know specifically what to pray for, but I will pray for you on our way home tonight."

And, with that Judah and I left.

Instead of walking straight to our car, I took Judah to see the giant statue of Jesus that is so well known at Hopkins.

Jesus Statue in Johns Hopkins Hospital, a photo by integrity_of_light on Flickr.

Rounding the corner, I ask Judah if he remembers seeing this.
"No, mom. Why is it here?"

"I'm not sure what the history of it is, Judah, but maybe it's here to remind all the sick people and the smart nurses and doctors who the real healer is, who the Great Physician is." I replied.

And, with that we found a corner near the book where people write out their prayers and took a knee to say a prayer for Sandy and Paula and Paula's doctors.

I remember working with Sandy. She was an upbeat, perpetually positive person. But, I didn't know if Sandy knew the Creator who gave her such a disposition. Nearing the end of my stint as a writing tutor, not knowing if I'd ever see Sandy again, I asked her if I could share the "Four Spiritual Laws" with her, a booklet that takes a person through the Gospel.

At the time, it may have been just information, but I don't know what God's done in Sandy's life or heart since then. I don't know if she's run into other Christians who have shared with her the life giving truths of the Gospel. But, I do know she's likely feeling desperate tonight. And, I'm praying that if she hasn't made Christ her Savior and God, she will.

So, next time I'm staring at fish waiting for the doctor to call my name, I will remember Sandy and know that all timing is God's timing and that there might just be another divine run in waiting for me around the corner.

His Obedience, Our Reward

He bursts through the front door along with the sunshine. "Mom, we got you a blueberry muffin from Dunkin Donuts," Judah declares with a smile beaming on his red, wonderful face. Judah had blood work done that morning, a fasting blood test this time for his endocrine doctor. And, as our tradition goes, Judah is permitted a donut from Dunkin Donuts anytime he has bloodwork or a laser treatment. It gives him something to look forward to and we hope helps him endure the sting of it all.

This morning, when he walked through the front door with Dunkin Donut bag in hand, full with treats for all, I was taken a back with Judah's exuberance and joy in sharing his reward with the rest of the family. It was his obedience, endurance and bravery but our reward. And, it was his delight to share it with us.

So, it is with Christ.

Jesus was more than brave. He endured. He obeyed even unto death.

And, we received His reward. Colossians 1: 12-14 says,"... the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Reminds me of these words from a song we sing at my church,

And I love you for the cross
I'm overwhelmed by the mystery
I love you for the cost
That Jesus you would do this for me
When you were broken, you were beaten,
You were punished, I go free
You were wounded and rejected
In your mercy - I am healed

The Why of the Christian's Life

I believe the Lord confronted me recently, and I am grateful.

Walking up the stairs to bed, I grabbed the two items that were there to be taken up and put away. It was an "ah" kind of moment when I relished in this feeling that I had my house back in order. mostly. enough for me to have shaken that restless feeling of being out of control.

And in that split second sigh of relief, God's Spirit confronted me and upset my peace but in a way that left me humbled and grateful for the humbling.

He spoke a quiet, "Remember why you are here."

Matthew 28: 19, 20 is a record of Jesus's last words before He ascended into Heaven and what He gently spoke to me afresh that evening:

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold I am with you always to the end of the age.

The peace I derive from my home having some semblance of order--that sense of purpose I feel as I straighten up, scrub, dust, clean--is so fleeting and shallow if it doesn't find its roots of purpose in this final commission Christ gave to all believers.

If the "why" behind what I do all day long is simply because it makes me feel good, I have sold myself short of such greater pleasures and sense of purpose.

When all I do is somehow rooted in the Great Commission, I then know the greatest sense of purpose there is to be had on earth. And, I know peace--true, lasting peace that comes from orienting my heart, thoughts, deeds to the "why" of life, of my life in Christ--to go and make disciples.

Share the gospel

Love Christ

Inspire others to share the gospel and

love Christ, too!

Why Raw?

50% raw that is.

One of the first 30 day challenges I am setting for myself is to aim to make 50% of what I eat raw food. By raw, I mean uncooked or processed. That doesn't include much other than fresh fruits, vegetables and nuts or seeds. Call me a deer and put me in the forest. :)

Why would I choose to eat like a bunny, you ask?

I have long been interested in fitness and nutrition and with a close relative's diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes several years ago, my interest and devotion spiked significantly. I have always enjoyed fitness and find it enjoyable to work out. I love a runner's high. However, my eating has been all over the map. And, since becoming a mom, I have found if I don't make conscious decisions about my food intake, it will drift to subsisting on mostly chocolate, diet soda and coffee.

Lawrence and I did the South Beach diet a few years ago, and while it inadvertently hooked me on coffee and diet soda, it also increased my affinity for and recognition of the value of vegetables. I've never been good at getting the veggies in, believe it or not. Are any of us naturally?

Over the last couple years, however, I have grown in consuming this vital part of the food pyramid on a more consistent basis. Nevertheless, I need to keep motivating myself and setting goals and/or boundaries for myself in regards to my food choices, or as I said before, I will drift toward eating chocolate, coffee and diet soda all day.

So, for 2012 I thought I would try this whole raw food thing a little more intensely. I know that eating fruits and vegetables closest to the picking point and state provides the most nutrition. And, from a busy mom's point of view, eating raw is actually easier than cooking it. It's one less step to getting it on my plate! Ease and simplicity works for me in this season of my life.

Already after just 2 days of eating this way, I feel great. It could be a mental thing. Probably is. But, I don't care. I know I'm eating food that is good for my body and is nourishing me well. And, I know my children are watching and hopefully gaining a little bit more interest in eating well, too. *I have found so far this is highly dependent on personality. I have one kid who LOVES junk food, and I honestly think he will always be that way no matter how well I eat or what nutritional information I expose him to. He really doesn't care. He wants his doritos and oreos and that's that. at least for now. :)

There's more behind my choice of eating just 50% and not going raw entirely, but I won't bog you down with those details unless you care to know. Basically, I just really don't want to give up my chocolate, coffee and diet soda entirely. ;)

If you're interested, I'll share with you some of my days' food logs. If not, I won't bother you with those details. But, I'm hoping maybe I can inspire someone else to grow even a little bit more aware of eating food that's going to nourish the wonderful body God's given to you to put to good use.

Just for kicks, what is your favorite RAW food?

Goals for 2012

I really enjoy setting goals, especially since becoming a mom. I think because the task of parenting is so incredibly daunting to me most days, and the goal of parenting often seems intangible, difficult to measure and impossible to obtain, I nearly crave goals that are otherwise.

So, at the start of each year, I take stock. As I consider the present circumstances, I anticipate the future possibilities as best I can given all things remain the same (which, of course, we all know they do not!) :)

This year, my hubby made what I felt was a rather brilliant suggestion in regard to my 2012 goals. It was prompted by a TED talk he listened to and applied a couple months ago. You can watch/listen to it here: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html

To me, 30 days seems more doable than 365. Call it cynicism or age, but I don't reach for the stars quite as quickly and often as I used to. I hesitate. I count the cost. And, I usually say, "Nah; I'll take the path most traveled, thank you very much." :) Nevertheless, I'm hoping that some of the things I attempt in the following 30 day challenges may just "stick" and last beyond 30 days, maybe even 365 days. We'll see!

Mostly for my own sake, I am going to list my goals, what I am calling my "30 day challenges, here. At the start of each month, my plan is to write a separate post detailing that month's challenge(s), the why behind it, and the plan for executing it successfully. My hope is that publishing my goals on the world wide web will be some incentive to actually sticking with the challenges.

January:

• Make 50% of what I eat- raw food
• No extra spending

February:

• Encourage hubby/No criticism
• Read for leisure 15 minutes daily

March:

• No soda
• Memorize one Bible verse a day

April:

• Write for blog 15 minutes daily

May:

• Wake up by 5:45 am and stay awake! Go to bedroom by 9:30 pm and asleep by 10:30 pm
• Pray for leaders daily

June:

• Work outside 15 minutes daily

July:

• 15 minutes daily improving a space in my home in someway (execution, not brainstorming)
• 30 days of work on "glutes."

August:

• 10 minutes with mommy one on one for fun, daily

September:

• Write encouragement daily to 30 different people

October:

• Repeat a 30 day challenge

November:

• Write down a thankful list daily

December:

• Give something away daily

I'll post more about January's goals tomorrow. ;)

Gifts

I started thinking tonight about all the gifts I received for Christmas this year. Two of my favorite were given to me by my parents because after all, who really would know more what I'd want or like than the ones who have spent most of my life with me? Here are two of the gifts they gave me that I absolutely adore:

Coasters cut from birch wood

You may not be able to tell from this picture but these are about 2.5 inches tall. Most darling little glass bottles I've ever seen. I love 'em.

My mind then wandered to my favorite intangible gifts of this Christmas...you know, experiences that happen during the season of Christmas. These I treasure in my mind's eye as I can't touch or hold them; things such as an impromptu visit with friends who recently moved back into town, enjoying a nearby neighbor's Christmas lights synced to music, or participating in my brother-in-law's church's "LED light" service Christmas Eve (yes, it was an LED service vs. candlelight; welcome to 2011~).

Gifts. There are the ones we look forward to and delight to open and the ones we will never touch or feel but nevertheless enjoy. But there is a third group of gifts I thought of in my random run of thoughts tonight. It's those gifts that seem to have been overlooked on our wish list, the one or maybe two things we REALLY WANTED. We fight the disappointment we feel when all has been unwrapped except that for which we had dreamed. We battle to be grateful.

Or perhaps it wasn't something you longed to unwrap but rather an experience: a peaceful family gathering, that special someone to have given some indication that he thinks of you and cares for you, or a boss's pat on the back and reassurance that you've had a productive year and are an asset to the team.

Your expectation was not met.

Your longing went unfulfilled

Your wish was not granted.

May I remind you as God reminded me tonight at the end of this random stream of thoughts of something He says to those who have longings unfulfilled and wishes not granted?

Psalm 84:11b says, "no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

and what about

Luke 11:13, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

You say you have asked. But, for what are you asking? When God says He doesn't withhold any good thing from you, He doesn't mean that "puppy in the window." Rather, He intends and will give us every good thing we need for life and godliness. He will give us His Holy Spirit through which we can receive all else He gives and withholds with peace and gratitude, with contentment and joy.

And sometimes, many times I've known God to mercifully give us that "puppy in the window", too.

Christmas at our house

Welcome to Christmas at our house. As a self proclaimed collector of nothing, I do nevertheless have quite an affinity for nativities, especially ones from around the world. Notice in my pictures this year a very special and new nativity scene brought to me all the way from Tanzania, Africa! Remembering how much I adore unique nativity scenes, my baby sister thoughtfully purchased this for me before returning to the States despite being deathly ill during her stay in Africa. Thank you, Kara! It is and YOU being home safely are the best Christmas gifts this year for me.

In case you care, a little more information about my Christmas decor this year...

The live Christmas tree is a very serious thing for me each year. I am a diehard live tree girl, though I still sincerely love all my friends and family who put up those awful artificial ones. ;)

My children graciously bear with me each year as I pass over many a tree to find the "perfect" one. Remembering last year's meltdowns, I decided I would turn the decision over to my children. They were grateful, quick, and did a GREAT job! Our tree this year may be the most beautiful one we've ever had.

The fabric garland hanging through my pass thru window was my momma's idea and Judah's execution. I love it's festiveness.

In one of my manger scenes, you may notice the baby Jesus missing from his cradle. That's on purpose. ;) I take Jesus out of his cradle and include an empty manger (a simple box w/ hay inside) under our Christmas tree each year. On Christmas morning, however, Jesus appears in his manger "wrapped in swaddling" clothes. Looking on the empty mangers throughout the month of December is a daily reminder of what this season is about: waiting for Jesus to come.

What shall I render?

What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord, I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people. Psalm 116:12-14

I have felt compelled to write this post of thanksgiving many times but have put it off and put it off. This morning after reading the above passage, I can put it off no longer. It's not a refined, edited recalling of our recent trip to Judah's laser doctor, but I pray it will bless you nonetheless and honor God as I recount His faithfulness to me and my family:

• Judah mentioned that he wasn't as scared today as he's been in the past. Thank you for your prayers
• God gave me the idea to write Judah a note to encourage him and give him scriptures to read. That seemed to really bless him. He took it with him to the appointment and stuck it in his bible for the next visit.
• In that note, I included Isaiah 41:10 which a friend wrote in her email to me that a.m. Judah also heard that verse on our trip back from Hopkins in the Adventure in Odyssey story he was listening to at the time.
• God gave me strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other despite my weariness, physically and emotionally.
• God's grace caused me to look outside myself by cheerfully greeting the admin.staff at Hopkins, our nurse, doctor and students observing the treatment.
• God also gave me eyes to notice another mom's pain and offer a hug, draw her out and assure her of our prayers.
• God made me aware that even in the midst of my emotional outbursts toward my children (impatience, anger, selfishness) that God does NOT grow tired or weary. ever. His understanding no one can fathom.
• I was able to have a conversation w/ Judah in the car about how we don't always understand God's ways, His choices for us...for Judah that is having a PWS and SWS and having to endure laser tx's when no one else in his world does. I was able to share w/ him about my experience with losing my dad to cancer when I was 12 and about his friend, Rudy, who only has one kidney. We don't always see God's goodness and wisdom behind the choices He makes for us, but we trust that He is wise and good in all He does when we remember how He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins.
• A dear friend watched my other two kiddos while I took Judah to Hopkins and we were able to enjoy sweet, unexpected fellowship when I picked them up.

For this and more, I am grateful to God who is always merciful and gracious.

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple... Psalm 116:5, 6a

Psalm 63:7, a meditation

...You have been my help,

and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

I am in your shadow-

You cover me,

protect me,

hide me,

see me,

are with me.

I am not on my own,

alone,

without coverage,

laid bare.

You are above me; I am below.

You are Creator; I, the created.

You are Great; I am small.

You are consuming; I am consumed.

He who covers me is FOR me, is good, all powerful, THE mighty Conqueror, over all.

He who covers me loves me with an everlasting love, has drawn me with loving kindness.

Our July 4th weekend

family.friends.West Virginia.

trail mix.Turbo Fire.White's Woods.

sparklers.fireworks.pinatas.

1st service.tears.BBQ.

watermelon.Meadows.walk.

fevers.strep?

late nights.Elias.the Brewers.

Kims.Allens.Kings.

Ryers.Will & Lori.catching up.

"Aunt Mo".granny sister's Bella & Sadie.cousins.

Kids'Cove.curricula chats.Indiana.

old friends.God's been faithful.

Getty Heights.exhaustion.head colds.

swings.Mia & Ainsley's.playground.

down pour.icecream.juice boxes.

not enough napping.quirky circuits.upstairs playroom.

Tom & Jerry.Jeff Gaffigan.