Every morning, I try to take some time to sit and read from God's Word. I wipe the sleep from my eyes with a steaming cup of coffee, cream only please, and stare out the oversized, sliding glass doors to our stone porch, chicken coop and woodsy back yard. I love it.
One morning recently, I turned to Matthew 28 and read,
My heart thrills when it sees the red words, imagining the women's stunned delight to see Jesus post resurrection.
As I read, however, and try to fully engage emotionally with this remarkable passage, my wrist burns with pain. The pain has moved a few inches up my arm since the last time my husband asked me about it. And on this morning it is distracting me from fixing my mind's eye and heart's emotions on the glories and reality of Jesus's resurrection. Rather, I find myself imagining all the things that could possibly be wrong with my wrist.
My imagining persists and within less than a minute, I am meditating on how young I will be when I receive the cancer diagnosis. You see, anyone who has died in my family, died from cancer. I think it's only a matter of time for me to receive such a sentence.
I start mentally playing out a scenario where none of the few medical specialists I have seen about my wrist catch the cancer. I end up fighting a short battle and am dead before I can leave notes for all my children's rites of passages and secure a spouse for Lawrence. These meditations come so quickly; I am far too familiar with them. Can you tell?
A second scenario pops in my head of finding cancer early enough to do something about it. But, what am I going to do? What medical facility will I choose? Doctor? Conventional or alternative medicines and treatment? How much will we be willing to pay? How much time will we give to my health and a cure? Will we send the kids to school?
Yup...this all happens in a flash. These are the musings that start my day. It takes just minutes, if that.
The mind is amazing, isn't it?
The Holy Spirit is more amazing and kind.
He gently stops my runaway train of unhelpful ponderings and prompts me to turn to the Psalms.
150 chapters to choose from, I make a simple, straightforward choice because, really, I have had enough of complicated for at least 30 seconds. I pick today's date, the 6th. I read Psalm 6 and in reading, my attention and heart are fully captured. I become enraptured afresh with my God who loves to lavish good gifts on His children and is profoundly aware of the personal details of my life.
My soul also is greatly troubled.
Turn, O , deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love
For in death there is no remembrance of you;
That God would prompt me to THIS Psalm on THIS calendar day with the crazy thoughts swirling about in my mind is no coincidence. God is real, friends. And, He wants to speak to us in real ways, in ways that are practical and personal.
My mind flutters on faster than a hummingbird's wings trying to anticipate and plan for every possibility--but God comes and quiets me.
His awareness of me quiets me.
His love quiets me.
The pain in my wrist is still present and persisting but I have turned to God. I look to Him for each next step. I trust He will be gracious and gentle with me. He is in control, working all things together for my good. I don't have to be smart enough or educate myself in order to be well taken care of. I am in His arms, that are not only loving but all knowing!
He knows exactly what is going on in my body. He can heal me. He can show me the healers whom He may want to use. I believe that He will preserve me that I might praise Him, magnify His power and declare His reign over all things and His love that is like no other.
Perhaps, friend, you are in similar circumstances. Your body, mind, soul or all three are in some sort of turmoil or pain. Your mind races with what to do, where to go, who to talk to, how to find answers and peace.
Go to God who is gentle, wise, patient and loving toward His own. Open up His Word from which He longs to reveal Himself to you. Allow yourself to be quieted by a renewed revelation of His love for you.
Sometimes God leaves us to mysteries, medical or otherwise. We have to wait and trust. But sometimes we receive answers and solutions to problems.
After seeing a hand specialist about my wrist, it seems I have what is called "de quervians" which should improve over time by wearing a custom made splint to immobilize my wrist.