Lying in bed all week in pain like I've never known in my life has made me confront fear in a way I never have before. I couldn't run from it or excuse it away. I couldn't come up with my own solution that would make the fear diminish. I had to face it. A friend of mine brought dinner and a very encouraging card one night. (Thanks, Danielle) In it was a quote by John Piper that notes the cure for fear. It was both insightful and helpful. Here it is:
In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge. Proverbs 14 :26.
In regards to this verse, the solution to fear is fear. The solution to timidity is fear. The solution to uncertainty is fear. The solution to doubt is fear. How can this be?
Part of the answer is that 'fear of the Lord' means fearing to dishonor the Lord. Which means fearing to distrust the Lord. Which means fearing to fear anything that the Lord has promised to help you overcome. In other words, the fear of the Lord is the great fear destroyer."
I saw the Lord grow me in fear of Him over the last five days. He made me come face to face with my inability to sustain anything. I could not care for myself. I could not care for my children. I was utterly dependent upon Him to look out for me, to provide for me, to protect me. I couldn't make doctors see me any faster than they did. I couldn't determine what my eventual diagnosis would be. But by seeing all I could not do, I saw how much God could do, that He is in control of everything, that He sustains everything. This truth is not a new one. My 3 year olds are being told that God is in control of everything, that He is the Creator and Sustainer. But, this truth becomes embraced on a whole new level when one is forced to come to grips with his/her inability to control anything. Any physical ailment that leaves one bed-ridden will quickly drive that point home.
I am grateful to be out of bed, moving about my home today. I am grateful that I will see a physical therapist today who will, God willing, help me feel better over time and teach me how to take care of my back. While it seems that God will grant me health and youthful vigor once again, I don't want to quickly forget the lessons I learned this week about His rule in my life and over all the earth.
"O Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do?" Deuteronomy 3:24