The Fear Destroyer

Lying in bed all week in pain like I've never known in my life has made me confront fear in a way I never have before. I couldn't run from it or excuse it away. I couldn't come up with my own solution that would make the fear diminish. I had to face it. A friend of mine brought dinner and a very encouraging card one night. (Thanks, Danielle) In it was a quote by John Piper that notes the cure for fear. It was both insightful and helpful. Here it is:

In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge. Proverbs 14 :26.

In regards to this verse, the solution to fear is fear. The solution to timidity is fear. The solution to uncertainty is fear. The solution to doubt is fear. How can this be?

Part of the answer is that 'fear of the Lord' means fearing to dishonor the Lord. Which means fearing to distrust the Lord. Which means fearing to fear anything that the Lord has promised to help you overcome. In other words, the fear of the Lord is the great fear destroyer."

I saw the Lord grow me in fear of Him over the last five days. He made me come face to face with my inability to sustain anything. I could not care for myself. I could not care for my children. I was utterly dependent upon Him to look out for me, to provide for me, to protect me. I couldn't make doctors see me any faster than they did. I couldn't determine what my eventual diagnosis would be. But by seeing all I could not do, I saw how much God could do, that He is in control of everything, that He sustains everything. This truth is not a new one. My 3 year olds are being told that God is in control of everything, that He is the Creator and Sustainer. But, this truth becomes embraced on a whole new level when one is forced to come to grips with his/her inability to control anything. Any physical ailment that leaves one bed-ridden will quickly drive that point home.

I am grateful to be out of bed, moving about my home today. I am grateful that I will see a physical therapist today who will, God willing, help me feel better over time and teach me how to take care of my back. While it seems that God will grant me health and youthful vigor once again, I don't want to quickly forget the lessons I learned this week about His rule in my life and over all the earth.

"O Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do?" Deuteronomy 3:24

Crippling Fear

I wish I had some sort of update as to what is going on with my back, but unfortunately for now all I can write is that I'm still in pain...nothing compared to where I was on Sunday night, but still not able to function as I need to in order to take care of my husband & children. While we have once again been so well cared for by our family and friends, I have found it incredibly difficult not to be fit to provide for my husband's or children's needs during this time of recovery. Recovering is what we're all hoping is happening while I spend now the 3rd day in bed.

Last night, I was able to look in the mirror for the first time in 2 days and notice that I'm crooked. I don't really know how else to explain it, but it appears if nothing else, something is mis-aligned in my back or hips. I don't know if it's the cause or effect of my back pain over the last week, and I'm having a difficult time getting a doctor to see me.

After helping my husband get things ready for the kids to spend the day at a friend's house today (Thanks, Kathleen!!), we laid down to go to bed. Only, I was assaulted with all kinds of fearful thoughts to the point that I was convinced I was going to die in my sleep if I didn't get to a hospital. Lawrence and I prayed; he tried to sing worship songs to me, but nothing prevailed to bring me peace. I was trying to tell myself truths like God has my days numbered and if I'm going to die tonight, it won't matter if I made it to the hospital or not (I know most reading this are thinking I'm crazy for thinking such things, but at midnight on the 2nd full day of taking narcotics and laying in bed alone, it sounds very plausible.)

I was struggling to discern whether God was imparting some kind of intuition to me to go be seen by a medical doctor right away or if it was an assault from the enemy of my soul trying to keep me from the rest that I desperately need and the peace that God promises to His children who trust in Him. I became so convinced that I was going to die that my husband actually allowed me to call my dear friend, Heather, who also happens to be a Hopkins' nurse. It was nearly midnight when I called, and she was gracious and compassionate nevertheless.

She helped me think a bit more clearly through my symptoms and said that most of what I was experiencing was not acute nor merited emergent care. She graciously suggested that after spending 2 days in bed on narcotics, I was probably a little overly sensitive to any kind of change in my normal bodily functions. She then prayed with me and went back to sleep. I, however, was still in a state of unrest and panic. I pulled out the ring of verses I have from my labor/delivery experience with Bella and began to read all the verses under the "fear/anxiety" category aloud. God also led me to pray aloud, thanking Him for the truths and promises I was reading about in these verses.

I would nod off and wake right back up from evil images that would pop into my mind. I'd begin to read again, pray, nod off, wake up. And, the cycle continued like that for at least an hour or so. Eventually, my exhausted body took over my active mind, and I did fall asleep.

"In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From His temple He heard my voice and my cry to Him reached His ears." Psalm 18:6

ER Visit

Hey folks,

We wanted to request your prayers: Bri developed some acute back pain on Thanksgiving Day which worsened until Sunday when she could barely stand while at the Almengor grandparents for Thanksgiving dinner. I drove her home to nurse Bella and then head to Patient First (not interested in sitting in the ER on a holiday weekend--Chad Young, can I get an amen!). Well after nursing Bella, Bri could not even stand up! So with dragging her into the minivan not an option--I called 911 and the ambulance came and took us to--yes--the ER at Upper Chesapeake. We proceeded to wait in the hallway at UCMC for a half hour on the strecher behind four other ambulance patients--but at least we got in! After us, they rerouted all other ambulances to other hospitals. Seven and-a-half hours and two narcotics and some morphine later, the x-rays showed nothing (good thing!), it wasn't kidney stones (good thing!), but they didn't know what it was (not the best thing). We have an MRI at 2:30 Monday afternoon. My mom is watching the kids since Bri is flat on her back all loopy. Meals are being provided for us (thanks Kathleen!).

Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Lawrence for Briana

Too Much Honey...

We are at Grandma's for Thanksgiving. There are few other places my boys enjoy more. I'm thinking the fact that my mom always has M&M's for the boys might have something to do with that. Tonight after allowing my boys what I felt was a sufficient amount of M&M's, Judah asked if he could have another one.
I replied, "Judah, you've had enough. Remember the Bible says that too much honey will make a man vomit."

Judah: "Mom, I want to be sick."

_________________________________________________________________

Judah is doing rather well post-laser treatment. As is typical, he tug at my heart with various comments before the treatment like, "Can we go home now?" or "I'm ready to go home, Mom" but did not cry until he was put up on the table for the treatment. He was justly rewarded with a chocolate frosted donut afterwards, and mommy helped herself to a donut as well. :)

Asking for Prayer

A bit last minute, but I'm asking for prayer for a laser treatment we have today for Judah. I am splitting up Tucker and Bella between two babysitters, praying that they'll take good naps while I'm at Hopkins with Judah. Also, Judah will have a new area lasered today. We have always done either his face or his trunk/shoulder/upper arm area. Today, we're going to try a different area on his body, and I am anxious about it.

Yesterday, I took Bella for her 9 month check up and assured the boys on the way there that only Bella would be getting shots. I did not expect my pediatrician to offer flu shots for all the kids while we were there. This was providential as I had been trying to figure out when and where to get the flu shots for them otherwise. So, I went with it, crazy lady that I am. Needless to say, the boys were not happy with me. In light of that, putting Judah through a laser treatment today feels cruel on my part.


The boys have been doing a lot of imaginative play lately, which is very fun to witness. One of their roleplays is of a laser treatment. Tucker is always the patient and Judah, the doctor. It's cute on one level, sad on another, probably a bit therapeutic in some way, too. But, Judah says nearly everyday, "Mom, I don't want you to take me for a laser treatment." As much of a trooper as the kid is, he just simply hates laser treatments. I can't say I blame him.

And, I am struggling with a bout of self pity this week, not justifiably (is it ever?), but struggling nonetheless. I am certainly tempted to consider how I am ending my week and feel sorry for myself. If you want to figuratively "smack me in the face" via a corrrective comment, feel free. :) Please don't cater to my self pity, however. That would not be helpful.


So, we'd greatly appreciate your prayers for us today.

Choices

This morning, like every morning, my boys asked me what we were going to have for breakfast. When I replied with, "Pancakes", my one son began to wimper and said, "But I want choices."

Spoken like a true American!

My Little Pumpkins +1

I'm finally able to post some pictures we took of our pumpkin pickin' this year. The boys are way more into the hay ride to the patch than they are in picking just the right pumpkin. They are too bothered by the vines. Here are my 'particular' pumpkins:

The boys' buddy, Rudy, joined us for pumpkin pickin'.

Don't ya think Anne Geddes should get a hold of my girl?!

For Your Listening Pleasure

I hope this link will be especially encouraging to moms of young ones. Often, I miss the message at church on Sunday mornings for various reasons. If you had or have young kids at home, I don't need to explain why. Our church makes messages available online, and there are a whole host of great sites that post their messages online, too, such as John Piper's Desiring God site to name one of my favorites. However, I find that when trying to listen to a message, there is constant interruption. I have to press pause or come back and try to find the spot where I had to stop listening.

So, I've "tuned in" to online radio instead. My husband turned me on to this through a site called, Shoutcast. You can listen to just about any style of music out there. We listen to classical during our dinner time to fool ourselves into thinking we're "those" kind of people...ya know, sophisticated with mannerly children who don't sing silly songs at the table or complain about how much they don't like what you've prepared for them.

During my days lately, I've been tuning into Sovereign Grace Radio, listening to the latest CD put out by father/son duo, Mark and Steve Altrogge, entitled In a Little While. What I appreciate about this CD in particular is that I can catch one of two lines at a time and be instantly encouraged, receive help in renewing my mind and taking my thoughts captive throughout the day. In being able to catch just one or two lines, I find that my thoughts will turn toward the cross and things eternal, and this does my soul good...and in turn, my home and children good as well. SO, tune in. Go to the site linked above and in the right hand corner, underneath the banner you'll see the words, "Sovereign Grace Radio". Click on that and be blessed!

Bible Memorization with Three Year Olds

Our church began a new curriculum two months ago that includes Bible verse memorization for the children. After missing the boat the first month with it, I took up the challenge of teaching my three year olds their memory verse. The nice thing is that you get an entire month to help them learn it. The first and only verse we've memorized so far is John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

Today, I told the boys that we would be starting a new verse. Judah replied with, "Is it about cats or dogs?"

Where does he come up with this stuff?

Any Locals Have.....?

I need help putting together the kids' costumes for our church's costume party, Fantasy Kingdom, coming up this Sunday. If you live locally and have any of the following items that you wouldn't mind us borrowing for Sunday, please let me know.

• three pairs of pink gloves (1 pair for an infant and 2 pair for toddlers)
• 2 pink turtle necks (2T-3T)
• empty toilet paper or paper towel rolls

And, if you can guess what we're dressing them up as, I'll give you something! It might not be something you want, but you'll get something! :)

The Tower

My guys are just making me laugh a lot lately... so, hence all the "funnies".
This morning, Tucker was placing all our living room pillows on top of each other. He looked up at me and said, "Babel of Tower". :)

They've been learning about the Tower of Babel in sunday school. I chuckled and graciously said, "That would be the Tower of Babel, Tucker". ;)

"What's Her Name?"

This is the question I hear at least two or three times a day. It could be the woman scanning our groceries at the grocery store, or the lady across the street walking her dogs. It could be the people we see in the picture book we're reading. Today, it was the woman checking out our library books at the drive thru window. As I'm pulling away from the window I hear Judah ask from the back, "Mom, what's her name?"

Me: "I don't know, honey. Maybe when we come next time we can ask her or look at her name tag."

Judah: "Can I give her a name?"
(I usually tell the boys that they may make up a name for the person if there's no way for me to find out or as in the case of random people in a picture book, they don't have an assigned name.)

Me: "Sure Judah, you may give her a name."

Judah: "Can I call her Charlene?"

We know no one named Charlene. There is no video or TV program they watch with a Charlene in it to my knowledge. I have never said the name Charlene....ever. Where he came up with this one, I will never know. But, it made me chuckle at his creativity. Can't wait to hear what he names his children one day!

Strawberry

Thought this might put a smile on some of your faces. Plus, Lawrence told me I had to write this one on my blog, if only for us to remember it.

Recently, we were out with another family at one of our favorite local icecream joints, Broom's Bloom. We let the boys pick their icecream flavor now (yet another sign that they are growing up!), and Judah replied with, "I'll take strawberry...like my birthmark."

Now, I know a few of you are probably tearing up at that, but we chuckled and are grateful that our little man can be so comfortable about it. That's is God's grace on his little life!

You Can Have Your Cake and Eat it Too!

Lately, I've been trying to increase our fiber intake as a family. You can read about the many benefits of fiber here. One of my favorite ways I've found to increase fiber in our diet is to incorporate whole wheat flour into some of my favorite baked goods. Recently, I tried a recipe from Quick Cooking but changed it a bit to make it just a tad more healthy. It was FAB, if I say so myself. Here is my version of Homemade Chocolate Cake (some people call this Wacky Cake) for you to try, too.

2 c. white flour
1 c. whole wheat flour
1 1/2 c. sugar (I reduced this from 2 c. of sugar)
1/3 c. cocoa
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2 c. water
3/4 c. canola oil
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 tsp. vinegar
6 oz. choc. chips (my addition)

In a mixing bowl, combine the first five ingredients. Add the water, oil, vanilla and vinegar; mix well (batter will be thin). Stir in half of the choc. chips. Pour into a greased 13 X 9 X 2 in. baking pan. Sprinkle remaining chocolate chips on top of cake. Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean.

ENJOY!

Through the Night

Judah made it through the night without throwing up. I was up with him only once around 1:30, but nothing out of the ordinary. He woke up and had a big pancake breakfast, which he kept down just fine.

He was pretty much himself today which was very reassuring. Ending his day with the promised sprinkle donut was a good thing for all of us. Cheers all around the house. We'll follow up with the ordering doctor in two weeks and hopefully hear good news.

Judah's MRI (body scan)

Just a quick update tonight before I will hopefully lay my head on the pillow and not wake up until morning...and I don't mean like 1 or 2 or 3 in the morning, not 4 or 5 either. 6:00 would be okay, but I'd prefer a little later than that, too.

(You're gonna be getting the slap happy tired Briana here, by the way.)

Overall, we experienced so much of God's grace. There were several times today that I looked at my son and thanked God for giving him to me. What a gift our Judah is to us. He teaches us so much about God and brings us so much joy seeing God's amazing grace on him.

The fasting thing all day was not easy, but it really could have gone so much worse. The kids and I walked down to our dear friends, the Grigers, for a "J" breakfast: Jello jigglers and juice! Not the breakfast of champions, but what ya gotta do when you've got to otherwise starve a 3 year old all day.

We made it through most of the morning with only a few pleas for lunch. Eventually, Lawrence took just Judah out to run some errands and to a playground so as to take his mind off his hunger and allow me time to get things together for the rest of the day.

We arrived at Hopkins on time at 2:30, our procedure scheduled for 3:00. Lawrence's sister works at the hospital, in fact on the very floor where Judah's procedure was going to take place. When she stopped by to pay a visit, Judah said to her, "I'm going to be brave a little and I'm going to cry a little". Improvement from just last Friday when he was resolved to only cry! That's remarkable growth in a short amount of time, if you ask me.

And, that's precisely what he did. He was supremely brave! He did not cry even when I took him back the hallway and into the procedure room. He just held tightly to me, and tried not to look anyone in the eye. He let me reassure him, though, and I sensed so much of God's grace in that moment, being able to impart courage to my little boy at the very same time God was imparting courage to my own heart.

He began to cry only when I had to place him on the table and put the mask on his face. He struggled quite a bit, longer than any other procedure/surgery I remember in the past. But, eventually, it knocked him out. And, at that point I know what I will hear next, "Mom, why don't you give him a kiss and we'll take it from here." So, that's what I did, on cue, just like I've done so many times before and walked out of the room, entrusting my son to the care of doctors, nurses and ultimately to God.

I had my "little cry" then, and Lawrence and I took Bella to grab something to eat and wait. Two hours later, my little man was being wheeled to recovery, everything having gone smoothly. He woke up quickly in recovery but was very cranky. I always feel badly for the others in the recovery room having to deal with the cranky kid, especially when it's mine. Of course, that's to be expected and somewhat out of his control, but I feel badly nevertheless.

Our seasoned nurse and mom of a 3 year old herself knew to pop in a movie as quickly as possible. Madagascar, provided some relief but what really motivated him to stop crying and start drinking his water was when I mentioned we'd go home as soon as he proved to his nurse that he was ready to go home. By now, he knows what that means.

Consequently, we were released rather quickly and with enough stickers in hand for Judah's entire Sunday school class, we headed to the car a little after 7 p.m. We were doing fine until we strapped Judah into his carseat and he threw up all over. Actually, I was grateful. I knew he had a lot of air trapped in his stomach, and figured throwing up would help get some of the anesthesia out, too. We called just to make sure and were told that indeed throwing up is a rather normal response to anesthesia, that as long as he didn't throw up continuously thru the night, he should be fine. Dehydration is the concern.

We arrived home, and just after I had placed Judah on the couch, he threw up again. It's now 10:15, and he's cleaned up and in bed. We're hoping he won't throw up anymore. Please pray to that end. Also, he was intubated for the procedure and as is typical, is experiencing some hoarseness in his throat. Intubation can be a tricky thing with asthmatics, but it seems Judah fared well enough today. The anesthesiologists were pleased with his response. Nevertheless, we are also praying that his airway will remain clear and 'un'-infected.

As always, thanks for praying and caring for us.

Yesterday, we took Judah to Hopkins for two different doctor's appointments. The first was a pre-op. evaluation for an MRI he'll have done this coming Monday. The doctor heard a heart murmur for which she tried to schedule a last minute ECG but couldn't. Admittedly, I was glad to not have to drag him to another appointment, but later became a bit anxious about it. It's something we'll follow up on at another time, and God willing won't fret about it until then.

The second appointment was a laser treatment for his face. Applying the numbing cream went rather well, but as to be expected, he screamed once we walked into the laser room and didn't stop until we left. Our doctor commented that he did really well to which I said, "I hate to see what 'bad' looks like".

Judah's face is looking pretty rough right now. He blistered in a few spots and has bruises all over as well. Unlike treatments in the past, his face also swelled up a bit. So, we're giving him Motrin and applying vaseline, hoping it heals up quickly.

Please pray for Judah and for us as this Monday, we have to return to Hopkins for an MRI. He'll have anesthesia for it and won't be able to eat all day. His scan time is scheduled from 3-5 p.m.
The MRI is being done from his neck down. His legs will be measured at this time as well to evaluate him for a related syndrome called Klippel Trenaunay Syndrome which effects one's limbs. More on the MRI later, if need be.

All in all, we are feeling our need for God's grace this weekend and into the early part of next week. Of course, we're always in need. We just feel our need more acutely at times. We'd appreciate your prayers for us. Thanks!

I'm Going to Cry

Judah's appointment went okay..it's over. That's always the best part...when it's over. Unfortunately, he doesn't know the worst is right around the corner.
Today was just a CAT Scan. Next Friday is a laser Tx, and the Monday following a full body MRI (a 2 hr. scan that he'll be under for). Poor buddy. I knew he wasn't gearing himself up to be brave when we were getting ready to leave and he said to the Abuelos (that would be his grandparents for all the non-Spanish speaking people reading), "I'm going to the doctor and I'm going to cry." :)

He kept saying it to me on our drive down to Hopkins in between oohing and ahhing over all the construction equipment on I-95. I was grateful for the distraction for him.
I let him walk with me for the first time instead of taking a stroller into the hospital. So, we did the escalator for the first time, too...he screamed for the first one. I talked him through it and by the time we reached the top, he said, "That wasn't easy, mommy" (meaning, that wasn't hard). He was quickly asking to do it again.

He was great in the waiting room and walking down the hallway with the doctor. We got into the room and when I looked at him, he just had the poutiest little face that said, "I'm about to cry. If anyone makes a move in my direction, I'm going to let 'er rip." And, he did....and didn't stop until I picked him up off the table at which time he immediately stopped and said, "We're all done, mommy" in the most pleasant tone of voice ever. Ironically, he picked the sticker that said, "I was good. I sat very still". HA!! We'll let him live in his delusion. Don't we all want to live there after all? :)

He got a sprinkle donut afterwards from the cafeteria, and we were able to have lunch with Judah's Tia Yvette (that would be his aunt). Overall, I was very grateful and aware of God's grace. He's an amazing little guy. There are few other things that consistently show me the face of Christ and the power of God's grace like all the medical stuff we go through together. I would never ask for it and I would give it all up for a "normal" situation in a minute, but I'm grateful that I know God and that we get to teach Judah about God through the lot that he's been given.

Oh..one other thing that is just too cute to not mention. We were in the bathroom at the hospital today and Judah held up his thumb and said, "Mommy, my thumb is purple."
Me: "Well, it's more red than purple."
Judah: "I have a birthmark on my thumb."
Me: "That's right, Judah. Who gave you that birthmark?"
Judah: "God"
Me: "That's right. Why did He give you a birthmark?"
Judah: "Because He loves me. "

My prayer is that it remains as simple as that for him...at least for a little while.

CAT Scan

It feels like it's been a while since we've had a doctor's appointment for Judah. But, in the next several weeks, we'll be making up for that! ;)

Friday, I am taking Judah to have a head CAT Scan done as a follow up from his brain surgery, May '06. Remember that? It feels like a lifetime ago. It's a routine follow up test to see if the shunt is working properly. NO anesthesia needed, for which I am very glad. It's typically a rather quick test, but convincing a three year old to lay still and cooperate may be a bit of a challenge.

We'd appreciate your prayers. Thanks.

Potty Training Update

I know the whole world really wants to know where the Almengor's stand with potty training. That's why I had to make time to write this post. It dawned on me after returning from a neighbor's house last night that really, the rest of the world doesn't need to know that my little boy has 'big boy pants' on and poopied in the toilet. But, somehow caring for three little kiddos all day long, everyday has sent me into a warped world where I forget that not everyone is as consumed with pee, poopie and puke all day long as I am.

Nevertheless, I am very happy to announce (because I know you're all on the edge of your seats wondering) that Tucker has been in big boy underpants for TWO days in a row now!! Not without accidents, but more in the toilet than on the floor. His batting average (for the few sports minded moms out there) is above 500! For the rest of you, that means that he's gone in the toilet more than 50% of the time versus the floor. And, so you don't think I'm condescending to you by explaining the batting average, I had to clarify that with my hubby. :)

I decided to hold off on training Judah as he decidedly told me he would not pee or poopie in the toilet, and the few times I got him on the potty he couldn't figure out how it worked. However, I think since I began witholding the M & M's from him after Tucker went potty, he has a bit more incentive to begin figuring it out.

Because I know you are so interested, I'll keep you posted on the developments of the latest and greatest in the Almengor household!