Ever know that God is speaking to you undeniably about something very specific in your life? I had one of those moments this morning. Two friends of mine, separately shared with me what they read in their quiet times this morning. Well, both "happened" to have read the SAME verse: Proverbs 25:28 which says, A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
I actually wept when I read the 2nd email and saw the same verse. I must confess I wept not only because God was kind to speak so specifically to me this morning, but also because of what I knew God was speaking to me about.
Let me explain. Several things have culminated this week to direct my thoughts toward an area where I indulge my flesh and that is in the area of foods, more specifically what I would consider "snacks". I have been growing exasperated with my boys for asking for 'treats' all day long until one day this week God reminded me that I am no different. I want treats all day long, too, and because I'm the mommy, I have the prerogative to indulge that craving more than I allow the boys to do the same. Also, somehow this month, I spent the entire food budget by the 20th of May! SO, it is Mother Hubbard over here, and our cuboards are bare...not a whole lot to choose from in the "treat" category.
Finally, we are planning a trip to my parents this weekend about which I'm very excited. This trip will be a little different, however, as my mom was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. So, where there was always a plethora of yummy, sugary treats to be had at my mom's, there will now be none. I found myself actually contemplating how I would go the entire weekend without a sugary snack. Isn't that pathetic? Perhaps, but certainly signs of a bit of an addiction at worst, preoccupation at best.
At the same time, God was revealing to me my pre-occupation/addiction to sugar, He was also laying before me a few things that I really want more than I want to be immediately gratified. Our church is currently seeking to raise funds to pave our parking lot. It's in desperate need. Lawrence and I really want to give as much as we can to this effort. But, as we don't typically have excess in our budget, we know it will require discipline and sacrifice on our part to be able to give what we, in our hearts, want to give and feel we're being led to give. In addition, we also desire to grow in extending hospitality, in having money to be able to meet the needs of others when they're presented to us. We don't have an endless supply of income (nobody does really), so we know that in order to receive the blessing of giving, we need to sow with discipline and sacrifice when it comes to our own desires to indulge.
For me, for today, it means giving up my "treats" for a little while. :) I also want to grow in conquering this compulsion to snack on sugary treats because I know it will reap benefits in other areas of my life, making room for God to truly be my everything, to be the One who satisfies me like nothing else. I know, however, that I cannot simply resolve to deny my flesh; although resolve certainly does help. I know that I can do nothing good apart from God's Spirit empowering me. So, this morning as I wept like a child who knows he has to give up his toy to his brother and really doesn't want to, I also wept because I know God stands ready and able to give me the power to not only give up what He's asking me to, but also to do so with joy and find that the replacement, God Himself, will be much more satisfying.